The Final Days

I'm still pregnant, but hopefully this baby will come any day.  Like today.  That would be lovely.  This pregnancy has been such a challenge for me.  I've tried so hard to fight off the depression, and that means that I've had to die inside.  Turn off all emotions completely.  That hasn't been fun.  And sometimes I don't succeed.  Sometimes, like last night, the darkness gets to me and I fall apart.  I hate the wife I'm forced to be, the mother pregnancy makes me become, the daughter, the me I have to be while I'm pregnant.  I can't wait for it to be over.  Sometimes I get scared that things won't go back to normal after I'm done because it has been so long since I felt like myself.  And I get worried how I will be able to handle all that comes with a newborn when I can barely function right now as it is.  I have to trust that things will be better and I will be capable of more when I'm not pregnant.  Anyway, hopefully today will be the end of this long ordeal! But probably not.