Avery Ballerina

Avery had her dance recital. Her daddy brought her flowers (not at all because her mother said
"I think we should do something special for Avery?" and elaborated with "You should get her flowers.") We were ten minutes late (they had already started the warmup when we got there) because there was a blizzard. A blizzard at the end of May. My big truck was sliding around. I couldn't see anything on the freeway and had to get off because it wasn't moving. Carston said a prayer that we'd be able to make it safely. We had pictures of heavy snow in April and we thought that was crazy. It is almost June. My yard is covered in snow, I don't know if my garden and peach tree will make it, all the branches of my lilac bush broke off, and I am pretty upset that my kids have on their snow clothes and want to make a snowman when school is getting out this week! But...I digress :)

This is her class and her teachers. It is hard to say if she enjoys the lessons or not :) She likes dancing, I don't know if she likes having to go first thing in the morning, or having someone "correct" her dancing. She's already perfect right? Why in the world are they telling her to do it different? But she was super cute and loved having everyone come to her recital and get all dressed up in her costume.

Macy and Kate took it all in. Macy saw Avery dancing on the home videos, and she was practicing, trying to do it all the same :)

In case you couldn't tell, which I don't know how anyone could miss it, they are Angelina Ballerina. And if you don't know who that is, well then, all hope is lost :)

Avery Graduated Preschool

Avery is so awesome! She finished preschool and had her graduation program. They sang songs and everyone had a part. Before we went, Avery told me she was going to sing really loud for me, and she didn't disappoint! Everyone could hear her voice loud and clear :) John was surprised to finally have the kid that is singing louder and cuter than anyone else :) I was the sappy parent who sat there listening and watching with a huge smile on my face, knowing that I looked a little ridiculous, but totally incapable of toning it down. Avery worked really hard this year. She got a certificate for the most home reading books. Avery practiced reading just about everyday since school started, and it has been so fun to see her learn how to read and to really enjoy it. She was a little hesitant at first because she didn't like not knowing things, or making a mistake, and as I worked with her it was pretty clear there was some sort of dyslexia thing going on, but she did so awesome. The last couple of months, she has just taken off like crazy. She reads like crazy, sometimes 10 books a day (thank heavens for the library so we can check out a hundred books to hold us over for a few weeks :) It makes me so happy to see her enjoying the fruits of her hard work.

Carston is a Soccer Star

If you've seen 6-7 year olds play soccer, you'll realize the silliness of that statement :) It was fun to watch Carston progress in his abilities and courage :) The first game, he held back and stayed on the outskirts of the "soccer huddle." Surprisingly that was when he scored a goal. By the last game though, he was going after the ball and showing a lot more of aggression (the positive kind). His favorite part was probably the uniform and the medal they all received at the last game :)

Catch Up Pics

I have so many pictures I intended to blog about, but apparently I was too busy enjoying life to get around to it (at least I hope that's the reason :) So here is a slew of pictures that mostly my family, and maybe no one, will appreciate!

My mom bought all the granddaughters "Twirly Skirts" Avery really wanted to have her picture taken without Macy in the way. She felt pretty special :) In case anyone wants a twirly skirt and doesn't want to pay an insane price, we found them at Quilted Bear for around $15

My mom had free tickets from work to see Alice in Wonderland. We took Avery and Carston and were pleasantly surprised that they didn't find it too scary. They have an awesome Grandma!

This was about the only time I had the 3-d glasses on. I don't know if it's just me, but I find them so annoying that I'd rather watch a blurry movie then wear the glasses and watch it in 3-d!

Once you have a party for a more insignificant holiday, your kids won't let you escape making it a tradition :) So here is our now annual St. Patrick's Day party with cousins and friends. We decorated cupcakes, hunted for shamrocks, had a treasure hunt, and I can't even remember what else.

Oh yeah, we made St. Patricks Princesses with dress-ups and crepe paper :)

I turned my back on the kids painting pictures and came back to find this. They apparently got bored with paper and decided to decorate the animal crackers.

I love Macy's concentration. She never does anything unless she gives it her complete focus :)

This picture is entitled: Mommy is Smart. I put some syrup to heat up in the microwave while I was trying to multitask with a million other things before running out the door. I guess I didn't punch in the time I intended. The thing in the middle use to be my tupperware, and my house smelled like syrup for days. Woops :)

This was John's Birthday party, and I don't know how I got a picture of him genuinely smiling, but it is rare, and definitely one of my favorites. All John requested for his birthday is that our kids spend the night at my parents while we partied and then slept in the next morning. It is amazing to remember that sleeping in wasn't always such a luxury :) My parents were awesome to watch the kids.

Easter Sunday with new jammies from Grandma

Carston lost another tooth bringing the count to 5. We didn't understand why he wouldn't eat breakfast that morning, and then John wondered what was up with his unusual facial expression driving to school: he was nursing a seriously loose tooth that would fall out at school :)

This was the conference set-up. I was hopeful it would mean that I'd get to listen more than play mommy :)

I know it's blurry, but I love this picture :)

I had to snap this picture because I loved that Avery put her arm around Macy, and Macy just snuggled right in :) Oh yeah, this was the day they wanted their hair in all braids. I know if Heather was in town she "would be embarrassed to be seen with me!" Just kidding Heather :)

Macy is chomping at the bit to have the opportunity to do all the fun things she sees her siblings involved in. When we picked up Avery, she wanted to get out and wait on the grass for her, and she "weelly likes Miss Jill."

Not enough room on the lap. You think I'm trying to be funny, but it is a serious problem-especially in Sacrament meeting.

The kids always have so much fun when Emma comes to stay.

Macy's adventurous side was very evident at Kangaroo Zoo. I had to try really hard to get a picture of her because she was a blur as she ran from one slide to the next. We laughed at how much she loved the tallest ones and how there would be a huge line behind her as she slowly climbed her way to the top :)

My girls can't get enough of their cousin Hallie who now lives in Texas. Heather and I love how as soon as she walks in the door, they take off playing with no warm up time and rarely a disagreement.

How do you get four kids smiling and looking at the camera all at the same time? It is nothing short of a miracle.

I hit the After-Christmas 75% off sale at Target. With a little creativity, gingerbread houses can turn into Cupid Houses for Valentine's Day :) I'm a little addicted to Target's 75% off just in case you didn't know :)

"Daddy...I'm poopy and I have a brush in my hair." John didn't know what the heck she was talking about until she turned around. This made my day :)

"Mommy! Take a picture of me!" I think she got this from Hallie...what do you think Ho?

I guess my mom set the standard high when it came to Valentine's boxes :) I remember making a hot air balloon one year for mine. I went a little crazy for Carston this year, and John enjoyed teasing me about how much of a kid I was. But it was fun. And it was fast and easy. And Carston thought it was totally awesome :)

John and I were working in the bathroom one night after all the kids were in bed. We came out to find that someone, who we thought was sleeping, decided to make Sadie a little more cozy in her bed :)

Explanation

I realize that most of the following letters probably don't interest anyone, so I feel the need to reiterate that this blog is used for family history and scrapbooking :) It is easier to have everything in one centralized location :) So this is permission to not feel guilty if you don't feel like reading what some might describe as sappy letters :) And I have to give a shout out to my sister Heather for all the awesome pictures. She rocks! And just so no one thinks we have the prim, proper, perfect family....here's this picture :)

John is so proud of the fact that he's smiling at the camera. Don't tell him he wasn't doing what he was supposed to. I should blow this one up for the wall. The ones where everyone is sitting, smiling at the camera seem so fake :)

Dear Carston

Dear Carston,

Sometimes I look at you and my heart skips a beat. How did my little Car Cars turn into this tall mature boy? I can't believe how quickly life changes. It doesn't seem like long ago when it was just you and me, spending our days together. Now you're going to school all day, playing with friends, and I miss you. It was really hard this year having you go to school all day...I'm just not ready to lose all my time with you :) It has also been an adjustment as you've started to keep more of your thoughts to yourself. Again, what happened to the little 2 year old boy who said everything that came into his mind, the boy who never stopped talking? You know they say your dad use to do the same thing, but I find that hard to believe :) I wish I could know everything that goes on when you're not with me. If you come home grumpy, does it mean someone hurt your feelings, or that you are tired of sitting still in class, or that you got hurt at recess? It is hard for me to let you leave the security and safety of my reach. This is the time where all the years we spent together, playing and learning and growing, will be put to the test. I hope that I have taught you well enough to stand up for what is right, to be a good friend to everyone, to work hard, to have fun with the people around you, to be respectful and responsible for yourself. One day you came home and told me about an experience at school. It gave me hope that you had learned what was important. One of your friends had given you a piece of candy during class. Apparently that was against the rules. When the teacher asked him about it, he lied and told the teacher he didn't do it. So the teacher turned to you and you had a choice to make: tell a lie so your friend wouldn't get in trouble, or tell the truth and be an instrument in your friend's punishment. You told the truth. You don't know how good that made me feel! Carston, there are so many things I love about you. I love that you say such sweet, thoughtful prayers. I love singing with you. I love hearing you try out all kinds of crazy silly voices and expressions (you are constantly telling me to look when you've got your face contorted into some new shape). I love your passion for baseball and other sports. I hate when I have to stop playing with you because I know you'd hit for hours if I kept pitching to you. I love that you are so sweet to Kate and Macy and Avery. You are a good big brother, which will be a blessing to them for their whole lives. I love your desire to do what is right. I love your faith expressed through prayers and blessings. I love that I don't have to wonder if you are being a good friend at school, or if you are being respectful to your teacher. I love your desire to learn new things. I love seeing the concentration on your face when you play video games, and appreciate your ability when we all play together :) It makes me smile to see you so self-conscious when you have a seriously loose tooth :) I love your big beautiful smile. Carston, you have been blessed with so many talents and abilities. And you have also been blessed with a sensitive spirit. I know that you will be able to do great things as you grow and have a family of your own. I cherish the time we get to spend together, the memories I have of my first baby boy.

Mom

Dear Avery

Dear Avery,

Can I tell you that you are one of the sweetest girls I know? And I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother. We are taught that women are born with special abilities to nurture, and you are living proof of that. You love taking care of people, and you rarely hesitate to give of yourself, your belongings, etc in order to make other people happy. Your greatest desire is to be a mother, and I hope you never forget or lose sight of what a divine calling that is. I love that you get excited about cooking (I can't crack an egg without you running in asking if you can help), that you are enthusiastic about doing dishes, that you often sing or hum as you go about doing household tasks, that you speak so kindly and patiently with your little sisters. I love that you know how beautiful you are. I'll find you with blue eye shadow all over your cheeks, gazing into the mirror with a smile, thinking about how pretty you look. It is a good reminder to me that it isn't in the way we decorate ourselves that makes us beautiful, but in the state of our hearts. And let me tell you Avery, you are one very beautiful girl. I have loved watching you gain courage this past year as you've ventured into activities without your mom by your side. It makes me happy to see you pleased with your decision to walk into preschool all by yourself. You are a little social butterfly, and are always asking to have your friends over. I love that you can enjoy all ages and both genders because you are usually thinking of what the other person would enjoy doing. I love how much you love to snuggle, and how you'll frequently tell me as I tuck you in to bed, "As soon as I wake up in the morning, I'm going to come in your bed and SNUGGLE!" I love watching you skip down the hall. I love seeing what outfit you'll put together each day. I love how spending time with people makes you feel so special. I love your imagination-you can take anything on hand and find an exciting way to play with it (shampoo bottles, rocks, etc). I love seeing you pulling up a seat on the couch to read a good book. I love seeing the smile on your face when you dance or wrestle with daddy. I love how you carry your CD player all around the house and always want to turn music on. I love your big beautiful brown eyes that are always sparkling with excitement. I love how expressive you are in your face without even realizing it. I love that you still want me to play with you. You are only 4 Avery, but I can already see how you will be a powerful instrument for good. The world needs women who will take a stand in proclaiming the importance of mothers through their words and actions. I know you will be one of those women. I love you Avery.

Mom

Dear Macy

Dear Macy,
I smile every time I think of you. I smile because of your zest for life. You definitely live your life to the fullest and take advantage of every second and opportunity available to you. That inspires me. Because of that, you are capable of so much considering how short you have been on this earth. There are so many times I think to myself, "She is only 2! I can't believe she can do that!" If you hold on to that ambition, I can't even imagine what you will be capable of when you are my age. I know in your mind though, that you already think you are just as big and in charge as me and daddy. A few weeks ago, you were struggling to go to sleep. Daddy and I were in our room with the door closed, and we could hear you making your way to the door. Daddy stood with his arms folded, ready to face off with the little 3 foot girl coming through the other side. It made me laugh knowing that your determination was just as strong as his:) I love watching you dance and hearing you sing. I love how penitent you are after you finish your time out, and how you don't let me forget to ask you about what you did wrong. I love how you will tell me your tired, and then immediately say how you don't want to go to bed. I love your desire to try and conquer big things: walking all the way along the curb, climbing crazy big things at the park, falling backwards onto the couch, climbing on top of the playset in the backyard, peddling the big wheel, putting on your own seat belt, or brushing your teeth all by yourself. I am SO happy that you have finished potty training! Let's just say that your strong will manifested itself strongly throughout the process, but it just proved once again that you are capable of anything you set your mind too. I love your big beautiful blue eyes. I love the way you'll hold my face in your hands with your chubby little hands and tell me you love me. I love that you are learning self control. I know that it is especially hard for you to not get what you want or do what you want exactly when you want to. But the last few months, you have shown great growth in accepting that you sometimes have to do what other people want (i.e. stop playing and get dressed, clean up, get hair done, etc) or that you can't always get what you want (i.e. Kate's toys, Avery's blanket, otter pops for breakfast, dessert with no dinner, etc). I love your imagination. It is one of those things that has me marveling at your age. Just like Kate, I love that you came on your own time, and the Lord sent you as a gift for your immediate and extended family at a time when we truly needed you. You are so beautiful Macy. I know that you will be a strong force for good in the world as you continue to grow and mature. The world needs people who are not afraid to stand up and fight for truth and righteousness, and I know that you will be one of those people. I love you Macy. I feel so privileged to be your mother.
Mom

Dear Kate

Dear Kate,

Can I say that I love being your mom. Everyday you are just filled with joy. I love the way you get so excited by your accomplishments: stomping your foot, climbing on the railing, pushing yourself on the little car, getting the lid off the marker, successfully manuevering your feet into my shoes, etc. You constantly have a big beautiful smile on your face that reminds me to find happiness in the simple things. I love that you find so much enjoyment in your siblings. You follow them from room to room throughout the day, and there is no doubt that you are "playing with them." At night when the girls are in bed, you will race from one girl to the next, laying your little head down on them to give them "lovies." I love watching you with the doggie. "Sadie" was definitely one of your first three words, you said it more consistently than you said "Mama" initially, and it is still the most frequent utterance from your mouth. I love how you find all sorts of ways of snuggle with her-there is no fear, and pretty much no perception of her comfort either :) I love your big beautiful eyes. I love how they light up, even when you are doing something naughty. I love that your pressence gives the your siblings the opportunity to love and care for you. You normally go to bed so well, but the other night you were struggling (I think because of new teeth). I got you out and you sat on my lap. You'd look up at me every so often and mumble some gibberish just like it was perfectly understood and smile at me. I loved that time. I love watching you grow and explore. I love your chubby little hands and feet. I love that you snuggle with me as I carry you down the hall to bed. I love that you now think you need to bring your blanket with you. I love how you call out for daddy every morning when you wake up, and every night when he opens the door to come home, or whenever you see a car on the road that looks like his. I love that you came to our home on your own time and taught me that I can do things I wonder if I'm capable of doing. Today as I watched you in my arms, I thought about how much God loves you. My heart was full as I thought about all the great things God has in store for you to accomplish. This world needs light, and you are a light sweet baby Kate. I love you.

Mom

Dear John

Dear John,

Normally, Mother's Day comes and goes amidst the chaos of our lives, and I don't have too much time to think about it. But this year has been different. As I've thought about my opportunity to be a mother to our children, I have thought a lot about you. I couldn't be the mother I am without you. I am so glad that I married a man who knew how important it was for a child's mother to be there, with them, at home. There was a time in our life when our financial situation was not the best. I love that the "option" of having me get a job was never an option. How different our family, our children, and I would be if things had been otherwise. I love that while you know I am a strong woman capable of many things, you realize the power in simple acts like doing the dishes, getting up in the morning with the kids, saying thank you, etc, can have in sustaining me through my difficult days. I am so grateful that my kids have a father who treats their mother with love and respect. I love you John. Thank you for helping me and encouraging me to be the best mother I can.

Natalie

Walking in my mother's footsteps

Avery and I parked outside her preschool. It was an exciting day because we were headed on a field trip to ride the train. The weather wasn't super cooperative though, and it was cold and very windy. I watched as another mother and son pulled up. Her son got out of the car and had his light jacket on. I watched as this mother stood outside in the cold without a coat, with the wind biting at her bare legs. I don't know if her son said he was still cold, but she stood out there for a few minutes as she found another jacket, put it under the other one, tucked his head into the hood, and finally gave him a kiss goodbye before he ran into school. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about witnessing that event. It is something we've all done a million times. But as I watched that day, I was filled with emotion as I wondered, "Who else, besides his mother, would do that for him?"

My mom had 4 of her 5 kids in four years. Growing up, I never really appreciated what that meant. But now, here I am, with 4 kids born in just over 4 years. Needless to say, I find myself frequently reflecting on what my mother's life was like 26 years ago. As a child, I know that I didn't appreciate the magnitude of sacrifices my mother made to raise me and my siblings. I didn't understand what it was like to spend the night getting up multiple times to tend to babies and children, only to have morning come with no plans of letting you take it easy. I didn't understand that Sunday Cookies was a tradition because mom had made it one. I didn't understand how much work went into a birthday party. I didn't understand that responsibilities don't disappear for moms when they're sick. It doesn't matter if you are throwing up, have a headache, throw out your back...your kids still need you to get their food, change their diapers, and won't understand why you don't feel like playing. I didn't understand that a five minute conversation with your spouse might end up taking an hour because children want to be listened to or cared for or rescued from danger. I didn't understand that carrying a child would forever leave it's mark upon a mother's body. I didn't understand that children copy a mother's every move, and if a child copies a mother's bad example, it could haunt her for days. I didn't understand the monotony of laundry and cleaning. I didn't understand that a mother for the most part gives up hobbies as she realizes that playing and teaching her children is a better use of her time. I didn't understand that mom's food would inevitably be cold by the time she was able to sit down to the table and get a forkful in her mouth. I didn't understand why mothers were so adament about scriptures, prayers, and family time when it seemed those things were always accompanied with extra whining, crying, or yelling. I didn't understand what it felt like to spend hours making a meal only to have it's recipients complain about how much they didn't like it. I didn't understand that mom got new clothes less often than I did. I didn't understand how emotionally hard it could be to take a privilege away from a child. I didn't understand the concept of "it hurts me more than you." I didn't understand that when mom made me clean up after myself it wasn't a purely selfish motive. I didn't appreciate the fact that I never questioned whether my mom would be in the audience. I didn't understand or appreciate a lot of things.

So mom, I want you to know that I get it now. I understand. And even though it is a little late, I want to say thank you. I know I didn't appreciate or understand all that you sacrificed for me. You made your children the priority they should be, and as a result, you sacrificed so much. I can't express how grateful I am for that. As I look around and see the difference it makes in a young woman's life when she has a mother who is willing to put her children's needs above her own, it fills me with such gratitude to God for giving me a mother like that. And sometimes I wonder "Why me? Why was I so blessed?" I don't know the answer to that. But I do know that it is because of your example that I am the mother I am today. I would not be living such a beautiful life right now without your influence. Who would have inspired me? How would I have known that my greatest joy would be found in sacrificing? My hope is that someday when my kids are older, they will feel the same way about me as I feel about you. Because I am so incredibly grateful for you, and I love you more than I can adequately express.