Getting off the fence...on the right side

Here is what my life entails: I spend lots of time cleaning (vacuum, dust, pick up toys and other miscellaneous items, scrub the bathrooms, wash blinds, mop the floor, scrub the carpet,etc), and then recleaning, helping Carston with his math homework and Avery with her reading, try to stay current on scrapbooks, journals, home videos, and family histories, struggle to fit in a meager 10 minute workout, make lunches and dinners, get breakfast on the table, drag myself out of bed each morning so we can fit in scriptures before school, take kids to and from school (3 trips a day), help Carston with his piano, make sure the dog is fed and watered throughout the day, attempt to keep the car clean, continually struggle to keep the ever evolving paperwork in our house organized, read my scriptures, do fun activities with the kids, go to the library, get down and play with the kids, spend time with John, work on projects around the house (like the killer bathroom that's so close to being done), chat with my sisters, try to finish my song, plan and organize activities and lessons for young womens, attend relief society meetings, attend young women meetings, go visiting teaching, play baseball with Carston, visit with my mom, dad, and brothers, pay the bills, grocery shop, clothing shop, read the ensign and other good books, research ways to best help my kids learn, babysit, do the laundry, try to do small acts of kindness for those around me, change diapers, attempt potty training with Macy, snuggles, snuggles, and more snuggles do FHE, givebaths, put kids to bed, warm up bottles, get up in the night to calm bad dreams and crying babies, plan family events, etc, etc, etc.

They are almost all simple, little things, but usually by the end of the day, I'm exhausted.

I'm a mom of four sweet little children. I love that. I love each one of them. I love that they are so close, that I get to enjoy their sweet spirits, that they make me smile and laugh every day. But it is hard work. Definitely hard work. It can be exhausting physically. It can be exhausting emotionally. And it can be exhausting spiritually. Lately I've found myself way too often with a negative attitude by the time John gets home. I hate that. Yes, it is hard work, but I want my attitude, my words, my actions to reflect the fact that I love my life. I wouldn't ever change our family, the ages and stages of our kids. I feel like I'm sitting on a fence. On one side is the attitude of "poor me, I'm tired, I need a break, this is hard, why does one thing after another go wrong, I can't keep up with everything, etc." And on the other side is an attitude of gratitude (corny phrase I know, but it is sticking with me), "I'm so blessed, I am so lucky, I am so grateful, etc." I feel like I've been leaning way too far on the negative side, and I want to be fully on the side of gratitude. It is like President Monson's talk where he talked about the two gardens. Throughout my whole life, there will be pleasant and unpleasant things. But I have the choice as to which garden I cultivate. And I definitely don't want it to be the negative one. That will only lead to misery, it will only lead to me robbing myself of the blessings in my life. And that is just stupid. So that is my focus right now, to change my attitude, no matter how long life gets on Sundays with mine and John's crazy schedules, no matter if I come home and find the dog has chewed up my shoe (my freaking awesome one too), no matter if all the kids are whiney at the same time, no matter if I'm tired and don't want to get out of bed, even if the thought of making another dinner makes me want to go insane, even when I have six loads of laundry to fold, even when the kids spill cheerios all over in the car when I just vacuumed, even when Macy spills her juice the day I mopped, even when there are so many meetings for young women that I feel like I hardly ever get to see my family, even when I feel like I can barely make it through the day, let alone go the extra mile. I'm excited. I'm excited to change myself, and in return my life, and my family's lives. I know I won't be perfect, but I'll at least be better. Anyway, I feel like I will have greater success with this is I tweak things in how we run the house. I feel like I've done okay with schedules, chores, routines, etc, but I think I could fine tune things and make it awesome instead of okay (here is where John would get on my case about reaching too hard for perfection :). I'm doing a lot of researching, but I'd love to know what works for you in your house, in any and every category: cleaning, chores, laundry, cooking, practicing, sundays, personal time, exercise, schedules, etc. I am on a mission to organize our life to perfection! Well okay, maybe I'll shoot a little lower on the scale. Like maybe...decent.

We Can't Wait for Spring!

Avery and Macy have apparently decided they are not waiting any longer for warm weather. They're just going to act like it's warm. First, they get on all their swimming gear, get the toys out, etc. And then they head outside in the cold temperatures to play "swimming." Although after a few minutes they came back in for some coats. Oh, and the bandaids on the foreheads are from "doctor" (that came before "swimming"). I love these cute little girls. I love Avery's imagination that never stops. She can take the simplest activity and turn it into an elaborate adventure. And I am just as anxious for warm weather to come and play with us.

I love that I'm 28 years old, have four kids and a dog, and people still call me "sweetie" when they are talking to me on the phone. I also love the salesman who came to my door and asked me if my mom or dad was home. I said no. Good to know some people still think I'm looking and sounding young even if I don't feel like it.

I loved her First

Fathers love their daughters. They might not say it nearly as much as moms. They might not give as many hugs as moms. They might not stay up for as many late night chats as moms. But the love is there and it is deep. Maybe they think the mom's got that department covered, or maybe those things aren't as inherent in their nature. I don't know. But it never ceases to move me when a father knows his girl needs help and he jumps in. I think we'd be blown away as daughters if we could really sense the love that our fathers have for us. Today, I got to witness a father jumping in, trying to do what he could to help his little girl, and it left me in tears. I knew he'd rather not do what he did, but he said he was doing it because he loved her and he just wanted her to be happy. But the sad thing to me is that she'll probably never know about it. I just hope she knows how much her father loves her, how much he is willing to sacrifice for her happiness. There is a song I love that left me in tears when I first heard it: I Loved Her First by Heartland.