So the last couple of weeks have been pretty exhausting-both physically and mentally. The short version is that my Grandpa passed away. But it means more to me than that so here is the long version.
The word "Grandpa" is so ambiguous. When someone talks about their Grandpa, you have no idea if their grandpa is extended family, a distant relative, or someone they were close to. That is just a relationship with a very broad spectrum. Is he someone you never talk to, someone you sometimes hear stories about, someone you see on Christmas, someone who sends you a card for your birthday.... So to begin I feel the need to clarify my relationship with my Grandpa Dick. My Grandpa was an immediate family member. My Grandma and Grandpa moved in with my family when I was eleven. I saw them everyday. They were a part of our daily life and routines. Even after I moved out, got married, and had kids I still saw my Grandparents several times a week. When my grandma died, I tried to do something with my Grandpa every Wednesday. We'd go to the dollar store, or the park to feed the ducks, or make a trip down to Wal-mart, or watch the kids play out in the backyard. We spent a lot of time together-me, him, my kids, and sometimes Dustin. He always made sure my kids' pockets were full of change and their mouths were full of licorice. He made his own neckties-one out of blue leopard fabric. He washed his paper plates and plastic wrap and hung it up on clothespins. He never lectured anyone, but led by example. He was a man of integrity.
Being a part of his passing was a special experience for me. I was able to go over and be with him every day the week that he passed away. I don't know if you've ever had that experience of being at someone's deathbed, but there isn't anything like it. The spirit that was there was so powerful. I treasure the time I got to spend with him that week. I was able to have a special goodbye with him that last day that he was responsive. He had been pretty out of it all day, sleeping while I was there. As I went to leave, I took his hand and told him I loved him. He started to grip my hand back and looked me in the eye and repeatedly said how sweet it was of me to come and how much he loved me. He just kept squeezing my hand and bringing it up to his lips so he could kiss it. When I finally went to leave, I knew that was our goodbye, and I felt so grateful to Heavenly Father for that blessing. The next night he passed away. I was able to be there with his children and two of their spouses. It is a very unique and spiritual experience to watch someone as they leave their body and pass to the other side. One thing that kept going through my head that night was the scripture relating to Mary and Martha. Martha was upset because she was encumbered about with much serving and Mary wasn't helping her, but rather sitting at the Savior's feet. When Martha implored Jesus to chastise Mary, he said "Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things, but one thing is needful, and Mary has chosen that good part, which never shall be taken from her." Sitting in that room, wondering if each breath was his last, it just made me realize that so many times in life, we go about doing all these things that are good, but instead we should be choosing the one thing that is needful. I also kept thinking, "Be Still, and know that I am God." The Spirit in the room that night was so powerful, but in order to feel it and fully partake of it, it was necessary to still my mind and my body. Those two things are what I want to do more of in my life. Right now, with all my responsibilities, it is sometimes hard to not get discouraged with myself and feel like I'm doing a half-rate job on everything. But I just need to remember that if I choose that good part, then nothing else matters. I think of my mom. She was always feeling bad because she felt like she never got things done-her house projects, or blankets, or whatever. But that was because she used her time to serve my grandparents-taking my grandpa to the rodeo, or my grandma on a shopping expedition, or whatever. That was the good part. Serving them. My sister said to her, "Just think Mom, you did it. You took care of them to the end. They never had to leave their home which was so important to them, they loved their life, they thought the world of you. You did it Mom." I want to be able to feel that way at the end of my life. I want to feel like I did it, with "it" being the things that matter.
For my own record, I wanted to include this talk that we wrote for his funeral.
What it meant to live with Grandpa Dick for 16 years
• Never coming home to an empty house, because Grandpa was always there and ready for a visit.
• Always having our tummies full of licorice and pockets full of change.
• If by chance you happen to get a staple stuck in your finger, Grandpa would remove it with his pliers, even if he had to chase you down.
• Having someone to sit on the back porch with and have a drink.
• Having a constant example of what it really means to be green. He understood the concept to reduce, reuse and recycle: finding your old car mats with holes as a new welcome mat for Grandpa’s shop, finding newly washed saran wrap hanging in the kitchen, or saving the string from the water softener salt bags.
• Hearing cheerful whistling as Grandpa built his latest problem solving invention, most of which were to make Grandma’s life easier.
• Being proud to introduce him to our friends
• Having another parent to meet and approve our dates.
• Learning the proper order of dining at chuck-a-rama.
• Learning there’s always something to be happy about. Even on the gloomiest days you could expect to see Grandpa with a cheerful smile pointing out an interesting cloud formation.
• Learning that you are never too old to start a new hobby. At the age of 80, Grandpa bought himself a sewing machine, and took great pleasure in hemming his pants (even if one leg ended up 4 inches shorter than the other). This added a new benefit to us as we’d pick up on the latest fashion trends. Such as the blue leopard printed neckerchief Grandpa proudly handcrafted himself.
• Knowing it wouldn’t be long after you walked in the door before Grandpa would hear your footsteps and be up to give you a big hug and a loving hello.
• Learning that golf is a serious game, even when played on a miniature course.
• Watching Jazz games and hearing the phrase “That Kirilenko is a great player. I sure do like him.”
• Having late nights on the couch watching the rodeos.
• Waking up Grandpa, and having him act as if he had never been asleep.
• Seeing a bright pink bird house in your backyard.
• Learning that material possessions are not the most important thing. Like if you happen to wreck your car by hitting a bus or rolling it in the canyon, you could expect Grandpa to calm you down, reminding you it is just metal.
• Playing Cribbage on the kitchen table.
• Always hearing the phrases “ oh just have a little more” or “Can I get ya anything?” “Do ya need any money?” or “Oh a little licorice never hurt anyone”
• Going on trecks to DI, feeding the ducks, trips to Honks and WalMart.
• Receiving phone calls to inform us about the weather.
• Knowing that if there was a fire in the middle of the night, Grandpa would make a mad dash to get dressed and come running upstairs to help.
• Living with a constant reminder of how marriage was meant to be.
• Hearing, “isn’t she an angel?” when you’re only half way up the stairs.
• Being proud that your Grandpa named you, even if your middle name is Dawn.
• Having an extra hand to help with school projects.
• Hearing over and over that our Mom has never said an unkind word to him.
• Realizing that old age isn’t an excuse to stop learning something new. 90 years old is a great age for your first digital camera.
• Banging pots on New Year’s Eve.
• Seeing a pumpkin on your porch with a cute little sketch of a horse drawn on it.
• Eating Donuts on Saturdays with Grandpa Dick and Grandpa Danny.
• Eating your breakfast with Grandpa by your side reading the newspaper.
• Being able to find a solution to every problem. Like putting up a fence down the middle of the yard so we could have a dog and he could still have his garden.
• **Home made picture frames
• Remembering that “Once a cowboy, always a cowboy.” Even at the age of 91 he made sure he was equipped with his cowboy hat and boots before ever leaving the house.
• Knowing that even though you could expect him to say he wasn’t hungry at supper time, he always found room to finish everything on his plate.
• Hearing stories about the good ol’ times on the ranch, and very rarely hearing the same one twice.
• Having someone to appreciate your cooking even through the learning years.
• Seeing our parents take tender care of Grandma and Grandpa.
• Pulling up to see Grandpa watering the dry spot on the lawn- and wondering why it only gets bigger every day.
• Learning from him to always make good use of your time. We’d often hear him say “What should I do? What could I be doing?” It was a common occurrence to see him out back smashing pop cans, planting flowers, feeding the birds, working in his shop. And after a snow storm it was always a race to see if you could beat Grandpa outside to shovel the walks.
• Hearing, “Knock Knock is anybody home?” each morning.
• Listening through the monitor to hear the sweet interactions of Grandma and Grandpa.
• Having the opportunity to play in a 4 man scramble golf tournament together and winning a trophy that could be seen on his mantle.
• **Buying cinnamon rolls thinking “about others” to share.
• Sharing Christmas mornings with Grandpa.
• Receiving many phone calls wondering where mom was or if we think she’d be home soon.
• Playing games with Grandpa. Even bowling and golfing on the Wii.
• Helping us realize that actions speak louder than words
• Learning that there’s no such thing as too many marigolds.
• Being thanked for every little thing.
• Showing us he believed in people and treated them accordingly.
We count it as one of our biggest blessings to have grown up with Grandpa and Grandma as a part of our home. He has been a great example to us and has changed our lives forever. We will miss him dearly.
