I'll understand if you think I'm crazy

I've made a choice. A choice I never saw or anticipated myself making until the last six months. I've decided to teach my children at home for the majority of their schooling. Some people know they will homeschool before they even have children, but like I said, I'm not one of those people. I wasn't homeschooled as a child, I didn't major in elementary education, I never had any plans to homeschool. If I'm being quite honest, I only knew one family that homeschooled, and while I thought they were really nice, I also felt like they were missing out on a lot of good social interaction with kids their age. So I never thought it would be something I'd want to do, let alone something I would commit to doing. But John and I went on a long (and frustrating) journey last year, and this is where I feel like we were led.

Last year Carston went to school full-time. He was at school 4 days a week from 8-3, and then on Friday he went from 8-12. Within the first week I was firm in my feelings. I hated it. I felt like I hardly got to see him. But I figured this was the way it should be and I better just toughen up. After a couple of months, my expectations were confirmed. Carston was thoroughly bored and not challenged enough. This was frustrating because we intentionally put him in the charter school because their curriculum was a year ahead of regular public schools. We met with his teacher, and while she wanted to help him, there wasn't a whole lot she could do while balancing the various levels of 25 kids and the state requirements. Her best suggestion was to have him write reports at home and share them in class. But we didn't need help challenging him at home, we needed help challenging him while he was sitting in a classroom five days a week for 32 hours. We met with the principal to see if there was anything he could do for us. Again, all his suggestions involved extra work at home as opposed to challenging him in the classroom. After lots of research we discovered the Alpine School District had a "Gifted and Talented Program." So we made an appointment and went to meet with them only to be disappointed again. All of the suggestions were again things we could do outside of the classroom. It was so frustrating to realize that the school district had absolutely nothing to offer. We didn't need ideas for things to do at home that were stimulating. We needed a solution for while he was sitting in the classroom. We had a 7 year old boy asking if he could get harder homework because he knew all the answers, a boy who said he didn't like always having to put his head down because he finished his work early, a boy who was starting to say he hated learning because his definition of learning was becoming tied up with the word "school." I was baffled that the district had nothing to offer students who were above the present curriculum. Carston is above the curriculum, but he isn't a genius, and I know there are many, many kids who are in the same boat. I still have trouble comprehending that there is no solution for what I see as a major problem. It blows my mind. Anyway, I started researching other options. I finally asked his teacher if I could just buy him the next level of math book and he could do that one instead. She agreed to let him do it at home, but in class, he still had to do the same work as the other kids so he wouldn't be a distraction. That helped a little bit, but it still felt like a temporary solution. I started researching other districts to see if they had anything available. I got so excited to find out about a program in a Provo school, only to learn that it only meant being pulled from class once a week to do something different. Just writing all of this reminds me of how frustrating it was trying to find the solution that didn't exist.

As time went on, I noticed something else that was going on. Carston would get home from school about 3:30, grab a snack, need to do homework, practice the piano, and then have a few minutes to play before dinner. After that it was about time to get ready for bed and get some sleep. He had little time during the day where he was free to decide what he wanted to do. I could tell it was wearing on him. He is a naturally obedient child and has always wanted to do the right thing. But he started whining and snapping whenever I had to ask him to do something. It made me sad to see this change in him.

At this point, I was praying every day that we would know what the best thing would be for our family. I didn't want to keep going on the path we were on, but I couldn't seem to find the right path. At some point, the idea of homeschooling entered my mind. When I talked with John about it, he had serious concerns. Both of us felt like there were things to learn at school other than academics. He was worried that our kids wouldn't get the social interaction they needed. He was concerned about how I'd be able to add such a huge undertaking on my rather full plate. And I was concerned as well. But every time I thought of it, there was peace. I started researching the idea and reading all sorts of books on homeschooling. I remember one book that was talking of all the different reasons why people decide to homeschool. They mentioned kids who were behind or ahead, school taking too much time, unsafe schools, religious views, a desire to pursue different learning styles or subjects, etc. And then it talked about how some people homeschool for no other reason than that it feels right to them. When I read that, my heart burned with the spirit, and I knew that this was the answer from the Lord, this is the path He wanted us to take. After that, any doubts or concerns I had were overshadowed by the peace I felt every time I thought of my decision. It felt right, even though all common sense would make me feel uneasy about it.

It took some more research and prayers to figure out the details, but now we are set. By random chance, we found out about a program the district has called Alpine Online. I don't know why the district didn't tell us about it when we were in there talking with them. Anyway, they use the K12 program (which I think will be a great way to jump into homeschooling), but because they are still part of the district we can do a dual enrollment (which wouldn't be possible if I only went through the K12 program). Carston will be able to spend a few hours at school (including lunch and 2 recesses) and then complete the rest of his work at home, on the level he needs, and at the pace he wants. It will also take less time to accomplish everything. Avery will be going to kindergarten at the school as well, and then follow the same program as Carston next year. I am so relieved and grateful to have everything squared away and feel so good about what we are doing.

The desire to keep Carston challenged academically is why we started looking for another path, but the more I think about things, I realize that it is low on the totem pole of why I'm glad we are doing this. I want to be with my kids. I hated having Carston spending his whole day away from me. I hated that it left me less time to teach him about what is really important in life. I hated that there was never time to pursue things we were interested in. I hated that our life was lived on someone else's schedule. I hated that he missed fun activities we were doing as a family. I hated that he had no time to play and be creative and imaginative. I hated that he was being "socialized" by the world's standards. It surprised me that all these other reasons, things I thought weren't as important, are now more important to me than the academic side. I'm nervous to get started next week, but I'm also very excited about the positive changes this will bring into our family.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer. I've noticed whenever people hear that I've decided to homeschool,there seems to be a need to state why they AREN'T homeschooling. There is no need to make a defense about not homeschooling! It is definitely not for everyone, it wouldn't be the solution or answer for everyone, it isn't even feasible for everyone. This was just the answer we were led to as we sought to know what was best for US. And I know it is going to be a huge challenge, and I'm scared that I'll do everything wrong (I made my sister promise she'd tell me if my kids were getting too weird :), but I also know this was the answer we got and I'm going to trust in that and look for the reasons why Heavenly Father wants it for us.

But that doesn't mean it will be an easy adjustment, so cross your fingers that I don't go crazy :)