Dear John

Dear John,

Normally, Mother's Day comes and goes amidst the chaos of our lives, and I don't have too much time to think about it. But this year has been different. As I've thought about my opportunity to be a mother to our children, I have thought a lot about you. I couldn't be the mother I am without you. I am so glad that I married a man who knew how important it was for a child's mother to be there, with them, at home. There was a time in our life when our financial situation was not the best. I love that the "option" of having me get a job was never an option. How different our family, our children, and I would be if things had been otherwise. I love that while you know I am a strong woman capable of many things, you realize the power in simple acts like doing the dishes, getting up in the morning with the kids, saying thank you, etc, can have in sustaining me through my difficult days. I am so grateful that my kids have a father who treats their mother with love and respect. I love you John. Thank you for helping me and encouraging me to be the best mother I can.

Natalie

Walking in my mother's footsteps

Avery and I parked outside her preschool. It was an exciting day because we were headed on a field trip to ride the train. The weather wasn't super cooperative though, and it was cold and very windy. I watched as another mother and son pulled up. Her son got out of the car and had his light jacket on. I watched as this mother stood outside in the cold without a coat, with the wind biting at her bare legs. I don't know if her son said he was still cold, but she stood out there for a few minutes as she found another jacket, put it under the other one, tucked his head into the hood, and finally gave him a kiss goodbye before he ran into school. Normally, I wouldn't think twice about witnessing that event. It is something we've all done a million times. But as I watched that day, I was filled with emotion as I wondered, "Who else, besides his mother, would do that for him?"

My mom had 4 of her 5 kids in four years. Growing up, I never really appreciated what that meant. But now, here I am, with 4 kids born in just over 4 years. Needless to say, I find myself frequently reflecting on what my mother's life was like 26 years ago. As a child, I know that I didn't appreciate the magnitude of sacrifices my mother made to raise me and my siblings. I didn't understand what it was like to spend the night getting up multiple times to tend to babies and children, only to have morning come with no plans of letting you take it easy. I didn't understand that Sunday Cookies was a tradition because mom had made it one. I didn't understand how much work went into a birthday party. I didn't understand that responsibilities don't disappear for moms when they're sick. It doesn't matter if you are throwing up, have a headache, throw out your back...your kids still need you to get their food, change their diapers, and won't understand why you don't feel like playing. I didn't understand that a five minute conversation with your spouse might end up taking an hour because children want to be listened to or cared for or rescued from danger. I didn't understand that carrying a child would forever leave it's mark upon a mother's body. I didn't understand that children copy a mother's every move, and if a child copies a mother's bad example, it could haunt her for days. I didn't understand the monotony of laundry and cleaning. I didn't understand that a mother for the most part gives up hobbies as she realizes that playing and teaching her children is a better use of her time. I didn't understand that mom's food would inevitably be cold by the time she was able to sit down to the table and get a forkful in her mouth. I didn't understand why mothers were so adament about scriptures, prayers, and family time when it seemed those things were always accompanied with extra whining, crying, or yelling. I didn't understand what it felt like to spend hours making a meal only to have it's recipients complain about how much they didn't like it. I didn't understand that mom got new clothes less often than I did. I didn't understand how emotionally hard it could be to take a privilege away from a child. I didn't understand the concept of "it hurts me more than you." I didn't understand that when mom made me clean up after myself it wasn't a purely selfish motive. I didn't appreciate the fact that I never questioned whether my mom would be in the audience. I didn't understand or appreciate a lot of things.

So mom, I want you to know that I get it now. I understand. And even though it is a little late, I want to say thank you. I know I didn't appreciate or understand all that you sacrificed for me. You made your children the priority they should be, and as a result, you sacrificed so much. I can't express how grateful I am for that. As I look around and see the difference it makes in a young woman's life when she has a mother who is willing to put her children's needs above her own, it fills me with such gratitude to God for giving me a mother like that. And sometimes I wonder "Why me? Why was I so blessed?" I don't know the answer to that. But I do know that it is because of your example that I am the mother I am today. I would not be living such a beautiful life right now without your influence. Who would have inspired me? How would I have known that my greatest joy would be found in sacrificing? My hope is that someday when my kids are older, they will feel the same way about me as I feel about you. Because I am so incredibly grateful for you, and I love you more than I can adequately express.

My Bad Side :)

The other day I was calmly sitting in the bathroom waiting for Macy to finish up when she said out of nowhere, "Mommy...I don't like you when you're mad at me." Okay then. Here is a two year old not afraid to speak her mind. And it's true. My secret is out. Sometimes, I get mad at Macy! What can I say, I'm a weak human. When it has been one of those days where Macy has to do everything by herself, where she isn't listening and Mommy has to ask her 10 times to get dressed, come do her hair, pick up her toys, etc, when she's pushed Kate down multiple times because she thinks Kate's coming to take her toys when she gets anywhere near her, when I didn't get quite enough sleep because she snuck into my bed early in the morning, when I find her sneaking into the treat bowl for the 5th time that day, and when she has run around screaming because she is too big to take naps and too little to make it pleasantly through the whole day without one......I get mad, upset, frustrated, whatever you want to call it. But I'll let you in on a secret Miss Moo Moo...I don't really like me either when I'm mad at you.

Clip Art Rails

I found this idea on www.knockoffwood.blogspot.com I am so obsessed with this blog it isn't even funny. I've been waiting for warm weather so I could start building all of her awesome plans. I am really excited about making a new kitchen table, although my husband is a Debbie Downer and thinks I should start with something more simple :) Do these count? Um...I'm going to say yes. So anyway, does anyone else out there hate having a fridge covered in artwork? Well I do. I decided to bite the bullet and mess up one of my beautifully-empty walls. Remember how we have too much stuff and people to practically keep those beautifully-empty walls? So that is where these beauties come in. I spent a couple dollars on some long wood strips, cut them down to size, and painted them white. After that, I decided it would look cool with some "color" and pattern so I find this great scrapbook paper (3 dollars) and had my first experience with Modge Podge. I didn't do a professional job (several bubbles I had to work out), but it turned out okay. I took apart the clothespins and painted them black, reassembled, and used Elmer's glue to attach them. Last step was to locate the studs in the wall and screw those babies in. So for $7 I'm pretty satisfied. But seriously, check out her blog. Just wait until all your kids are in bed because you won't want to leave :)

My Misleading Pantry

When we moved into our house, there were only three of us. It was a piece of cake to fit all the food in the small little pantry we had in our kitchen. It was as deep as a bisquick box. But no problem. Fast forward 4 and a half years later. Our "pantry" was spilling all over throughout the kitchen. There was food all over the top of the fridge, food stuffed throughout all our cupboards, etc. Needless to say it was driving me nuts. Numerous times I'd look at it and say, "Time to move!" Well, several months ago (I don't even want to say how many because it is embarrassingly long ago!) John decided that we could go into the wall behind the pantry. So that night, we emptied all our food onto the counter, took the old pantry out to the garage to hold all the outdoor toys, and cut a hole into the wall to see what we were up against. There was one duct running through it, but we could easily build around it. We were lucky to have a neighbor we could contract with to build the structure. When he pushed the cabinet back in there, I was in heaven. I seriously could not believe how much food I could now fit into our pantry. Everything that was on the fridge, in the cupboards, etc fit in with room to spare. I was able to bring up my big five gallon buckets from the laundry room for my sugar, flour, and rice. It was awesome. The only problem is that we only hired our neighbor to build the cabinet. We figured we could finish patching the wall, build the doors, and do all the finish work ourselves. And so it sat. Month after month after month. Because we weren't exactly sure how we wanted to do the doors. But eventually, we figured it out. We now have doors, the wall has been fixed to meet the cabinet, the painting and caulking is done, and it has awesome handles. I really like the handles...almost as much as I like how much food this deceptive beast can hold :)

The Master Pain...I mean the Master Bath

I'm warning you right now that there are some disgusting pictures coming up. So when we were looking for a house, most of them didn't have a master bath. I think master baths weren't such a big deal back in the 80's. We were excited that our house had one. It was interesting that we ended up in our house. I can't even tell you how many houses we went through, how many offers didn't pan out. The house we are in now was a definite fixer-upper. It was in pretty poor condition. Little did I know that I would LOVE fixing it up. Well, one of the last things on the list was the master bath. And I'll tell you right now, we didn't go into this project with a whole lot of knowledge. But we learned what we needed to get the job done. I love taking on something and learning how to do new things. When people hear about all the things we've done in our house, I'm often asked how we know how to do it all. And the answer is we don't. But we do know how to research and find the answers, and we're willing to have confidence in ourselves that eventually we'll figure it out. So here is the story. And I wish I had better before pictures, but it didn't start out with us thinking we were going to change so much :)

So this is the best shot I have of the outside of the shower. I had threatened for several months that John was going to come home someday and find that I'd taken a hammer to the shower. This shower was disgusting! Long before we arrived, someone had built this shower and done it wrong. It is really important for the shower base to drain properly so water doesn't stay puddled on the tiles. That didn't happen with this shower. So water constantly sat their building all kinds of nasty mold or whatever. It didn't matter how much bleach we poured into this shower (John would spray it almost daily), the thing still looked nasty. So one day, I really did take a hammer to it. It was vigorous exercise getting all that tile out. I highly recommend it if you have a lot of frustration to vent. Anyway, we found mold underneath just as we suspected. We decided to check out filing a claim on our home insurance. They came out, approved us, but said they wouldn't be able to change the existing structure (we knew there was empty space behind the shower that we could use to make it bigger). We'd also have to pay our $1000 deductible. I was still on board to do it since the holidays were upon us and I knew it would be a long time before we got around to finishing the project. But John decided that for $1000 we could remodel the entire bathroom as opposed to just the shower. So we decided to go that route. And I'm happy to report we were right around the $1000 dollar mark. The cool thing though, is that the insurance company sent us a check (which we weren't expecting since we didn't hire someone to do the work) for about $1500. So really, we made a little money on the project :) Okay, here are the disgusting pictures...
This is the floor. Just looking at it now makes me cringe. This was seriously the most disgusting shower ever. And remember we sprayed it down with bleach every day. So disgusting. I had to show it though so you could appreciate the difference :)

You have to love the flower tiles. They almost disguise how nasty this shower is. Just Kidding! I'm not a fan of flower tiles.

And here is the sink after we started ripping out baseboards and such.

Now to the AFTER PICTURES...Doesn't it look awesome?! It was awhile before I quit going in there just to stare at it with satisfaction. So just what did we do? After ripping everything out, we realized there was enough room to put a tub in, so we reframed the shower part and put in the tub. We enlisted John's brother to help us out with the plumbing part. Then we put up backerboard, tiled (learned tons about that and never could have done it without my mom and dad watching the kids :). We used the same tile on the floor, put in a new toilet and a new vanity. I still want to get some glass shelves to replace the cabinet above the toilet.We had enough room to build a shelf into the shower. I love it because it easily holds all of our stuff. We had to put new drywall up on the ceiling, tape it, and then retexture the whole thing. John was doubtful that I could do the texture thing, but I think I proved him wrong :)

Here is the floor. We got all the tile at Home Depot. John's brother was in construction for a long time, and told us we could use liquid nails for the floor tiles. It worked great, and made that part of the project go fast. We used liquid nails for our countertop tiles four years ago and haven't had any problems. I was doubtful at first, but I'm a believer now :)Here's another shot of the shower. I love the new fixtures.We had a little mishap with the vanity. John was trying to surprise me while I was away for the weekend by getting everything finished up. He soon learned that it wasn't so easy to multitask while watching all four kids. Macy pulled the sink top off which split the sink in two and cracked one of the newly laid tiles. He stopped trying to get it done after that :) Home Depot was amazing though and replaced the sink top for free. I'm now a huge fan of their customer service :) Here it is after we got it replaced. I love this vanity. The cabinet is shallower than the sink, which really helps to open up the small space.

So there is our major project. I'm very happy with how everything turned out. There are still a few things I'd like to change (mirror and cabinet) but it looks pretty nice. It was a lot of work, but now I know how to tile, how to hook up toilets and sinks and new shower fixtures, how to texture a ceiling, etc. And hopefully this will give our house an edge when it comes time to put it on the market.

Why you can stay...

A few years ago, we started dogsitting for John's brother when they went out of town. I remember being so grossed out by everything. Every time I touched the dog, I'd wash my hands. I felt bad that I never pet the poor thing. I made it sleep in the bathroom a few times because she'd sneak on the couch during the night and I'd find her hair in the morning. Pretty much, I was being a dog-phobe. And that brings us to today. I felt prompted to get this dog for Avery. I felt that prompting in response to prayers I offered in her behalf. I was hesitant to jump to conclusions about how well it was working, but it has been a little over three months, and I can honestly say that getting Avery a dog has truly been the answer to my prayers. I never would have come up with the idea, but that is just another testament that God knows what we have need of. I'm so grateful that we followed that prompting, so grateful that we were led to Sadie. There are times when I think I'm going to go crazy from the dog hairs all over (she's shedding her winter coat), but this picture says it all. Avery had been asleep for awhile when Sadie went back and somehow found a way to nuzzle herself under Avery's head. This Sadie, is why I let you stay.

PS-If anyone has a dog, my friend introduced me to "The Furminator" It is AMAZING! It gets out all their hair like nothing else ever could. I brushed Sadie with it for awhile and I couldn't believe the pile of hair it raked out of her. It was huge. This thing is seriously AMAZING! I can't wait to get my own.

Small and Simple Things

"Behold I say unto you that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6)

I had a special experience today that touched my heart. Over the last month or so, my mind was continually drawn to one of my Laurels. This was a girl who I thought the world of. She has an amazing personality, good sense of humor, awesome talents, beautiful, etc. But as I watched her the past month, I sensed that there was something going on behind the scenes. There were times I'd look at her face, and I saw the darkness I've felt at different times in my life reflecting back at me. It felt like one of those times spoken of in a blessing, where the depression I'd experienced would give me the empathy to help someone else suffering through it. After awhile, I felt a strong prompting that I needed to write her a letter. I'm 28 years old, and you'd think I'd be more mature, but I was scared. I get scared butting into other people's private lives, but my calling has been good in pushing me to do things even though I might be scared. So I sat down and wrote her a long letter. I told her what I suspected, shared experiences, told her how amazing and special she was, and that if I was wrong, she could just write it off as a crazy example that Sister Roberts loved her. I also attached a great talk by President Benson: Do Not Despair. It has great suggestions on how to cope with depression. Anyway, I was so nervous to give it to her, but I did. She didn't say anything to me about it, and I didn't feel prompted to bring it up. I had no idea how she took it. Well today, I heard from her. She wrote,

"I don't think you realize how very right you are. In the letter you mentioned that the Lord sends us angels to help us. You are my angel. I remember when you were first called to be the YW president that I had this feeling that you were going to be really important. As time went on, I couldn't help but notice our many, many similarities. Then, reading your letter, it all became very clear. God put us into each other's lives for a reason. For years I have been so confused as to why I couldn't just be happy like everyone else, like I used to be. Part of me know all along what it was, but I didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to be able to put a name on it, because that makes it seem more powerful, more permanent. But I know that you're right.... Reading and hearing your testimony and seeing your strength now gives me hope that I have never found in anything else....Now that I've finally accepted what I'm up against, it's been a lot easier to try and do something about it. Even in these few short weeks there has been a difference, however small."

As I read this, I was so touched. Heavenly Father loves this daughter so much. He knew her situation, when most everyone around her was blind to it, and He opened my eyes, that I might minister to her in the most simple of ways. As I've thought about it, I've pondered about the fact that I could have easily shrugged off my promptings to reach out to this girl. I could have easily chickened out and tried something else I was more comfortable with. More often than not, I'd say I haven't listened. And that is such a tragedy. The same would be true for this sweet girl. My small action brought her a good deal of comfort, and it kind of scares me to think that I could have shrugged off the promptings. I could have found myself too busy to pay attention. I could have decided I'd do something else I was more comfortable with. I could have said I was being judgmental. And how sad would that have been. I think it is easy to forget how far a small act of kindness can impact a person's life. I'm so grateful that this time, I followed the promptings I had. I truly hope that Heavenly Father can help me so I always will in the future. I know that Heavenly Father is aware of us. He knows what we have need of. He does send angels into our lives to strengthen and comfort us. And most of the time, those angels are the people walking among us. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who can lead and guide me and magnify my efforts that I might be His servant and do His work.

Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought...for which we will praise his name forever” (Alma 26:12).

Miss Avery

Lately, I've just been so touched with how sweet Avery is. She is going to be one awesome mommy when she grows up. It is amazing to me how clearly you can see her desire to nurture. She is always eager for opportunities to serve other people, take care of them, help with "mom" jobs, etc. The other day she was asking me what my jobs were for the day. I started saying cleaning jobs, cooking jobs, laundry jobs, etc. But she kept pestering me asking what KINDS of jobs. So I told her I had to wash all the sinks and wash my mirror. She got a little smile on her face and disappeared. A little while later we were getting ready to leave and she asked me if I'd seen my room yet. I went in followed by a sweet little four year old who had the biggest smile on her face. When I looked around happy and asked who had cleaned my sink and mirror, she just smiled and said it wasn't her :) A minute later she said "Just Kidding! It was me! Did you see you sink downstairs?" She is so sweet. And last night after she was said her prayers she said, "Mommy, do you know what thing I'm the most grateful for from Heavenly Father? My family." I love this little girl. She reminds me how blessed I am to be a mother, and that each job I do to serve my family is a sign that I've been blessed with the amazing family I have.

Avery LOVES dancing with her daddy! And she loves the new "Twirly Skirt" from the Grandma who is addicted to buying things for her grandkids!

Update on Organization

So I've been doing a lot of reading and I've got lots of ideas and things I'll be doing. I was disappointed though that no one offered ideas in my comments :) Anyway, here are some pretty simple things I did that didn't require a lot of time or any money. The first thing I learned is that I had to give up "pretty" for "functional." I hate clutter. I hate knickknacks. I hate walls COVERED in photos or other things. After living in our current house for awhile, John finally had to request that I put something up on the walls so it looked like people lived here. But the truth of the matter is that we have 6 people and all of their belongings crowded into this space. So that means, if I want things to run smoothly, I can't have the almost-blank slate look that is my ideal. So I've made some pretty basic changes to start with.

First of all, the kids now have hooks they can reach to hang their towels on in their room. And their hampers have now been moved out of their closets into plain site. Ugly? Yes. But it means that when they get their towels from their room, they can immediately put their clothes in their hamper which is in such a convenient location. Yeah, basic like I said.

The next step came in the entry. We live in a split level. I HATE living in a spilt level mainly because of the inevitable chaos that comes when we all try to walk in the door and put our coats and shoes away. It is CROWDED. Good thing I've gotten over my claustrophobia. So the first step in the entry was to do the obvious again: put hooks where the kids can reach them themselves. Another one of those things you know you should do, something you think about every single day when you have to hang up their coats for the umpteenth time, and yet something that has never been high enough on the priority list. I also implemented something with the shoes that stuck with me from one of the books I read: make it easier to put something away than it was to take it out. Before, the kids had cubbies and drawers for their shoes. Why? Because it hid everything more which is right up the blank-slate alley. But it made it harder for them to put their shoes away. So now, each kid (except Kate whose shoes are in the drawer) has a bin to put their shoes in. Harder to take them out (have to search for the ones they want) than it is to put them away (throw them in the bin). John and I will use the cubbies. So now I hate the way our entry looks, but I know it will be easier for everyone to put their stuff away.

Now this next one is going to sound like I've gone crazy. And if you saw the video John sneakily filmed without my knowledge, there would be no doubt that I've gone crazy :) Let me introduce you to THE SWEEPER! Even just writing about it is making me laugh. As I've been contemplating everything, I realized I really wanted my kids to know what they should do every day on their own without me instigating all of their responsibilities. I wanted them to be responsible for themselves and their belongings. So what is THE SWEEPER? Carston, Avery, and Macy each have a basket on top of the fridge. Once a day, or more if needed, I announce that THE SWEEPER will be coming in ten minutes (or longer if need be). I set the timer, and then I sing about how Sweeper is coming, how he's going to get our stuff, etc. The kids usually go crazy running around picking up all of their things. The first time we did it, they were done in ten minutes. Macy is especially funny. She is so into it, talks about sweeper all the time now. Anyway, the timer goes off, and I pull out a mask (this is the especially crazy part). SWEEPER has arrived! It goes throughout the house, anything it finds goes in the kids baskets. If they want their things back, they have to earn them back by doing a simple extra service. It is amazing the difference it has made. Our house is picked up in ten minutes, and I didn't have to prod, direct, encourage, threaten, etc. It is amazing. Also, if Sweeper didn't get anything of yours, the reward is that YOU get to be Sweeper next time. My kids love that. We even tried it out at Grandma's the other day and it worked like a charm. Sometimes, my kids have even done extra jobs to earn back their siblings thing for them which was so sweet. So there is the crazy Sweeper idea. But it works like a charm. It makes things funny. Just ask my sister. She was skeptical but tried it and loves it. I knew things were good when Macy got out of the shower and asked me where she should put her towel because she didn't want Sweeper to get it. If you want to try it, I recommend doing it when things are relatively clean the first time, and don't be dismayed if there are howls coming from your children the first time as well. They catch on pretty quick :) I love Sweeper :)

I've got more ideas that I'll be implementing, but I'm trying to do things a little at a time so my kids have time to adapt and master things before we move on. I'm excited though. I love how things are going already and know they're only going to get better. If you guys have any ideas, I'd love to hear them!