I'll understand if you think I'm crazy

I've made a choice. A choice I never saw or anticipated myself making until the last six months. I've decided to teach my children at home for the majority of their schooling. Some people know they will homeschool before they even have children, but like I said, I'm not one of those people. I wasn't homeschooled as a child, I didn't major in elementary education, I never had any plans to homeschool. If I'm being quite honest, I only knew one family that homeschooled, and while I thought they were really nice, I also felt like they were missing out on a lot of good social interaction with kids their age. So I never thought it would be something I'd want to do, let alone something I would commit to doing. But John and I went on a long (and frustrating) journey last year, and this is where I feel like we were led.

Last year Carston went to school full-time. He was at school 4 days a week from 8-3, and then on Friday he went from 8-12. Within the first week I was firm in my feelings. I hated it. I felt like I hardly got to see him. But I figured this was the way it should be and I better just toughen up. After a couple of months, my expectations were confirmed. Carston was thoroughly bored and not challenged enough. This was frustrating because we intentionally put him in the charter school because their curriculum was a year ahead of regular public schools. We met with his teacher, and while she wanted to help him, there wasn't a whole lot she could do while balancing the various levels of 25 kids and the state requirements. Her best suggestion was to have him write reports at home and share them in class. But we didn't need help challenging him at home, we needed help challenging him while he was sitting in a classroom five days a week for 32 hours. We met with the principal to see if there was anything he could do for us. Again, all his suggestions involved extra work at home as opposed to challenging him in the classroom. After lots of research we discovered the Alpine School District had a "Gifted and Talented Program." So we made an appointment and went to meet with them only to be disappointed again. All of the suggestions were again things we could do outside of the classroom. It was so frustrating to realize that the school district had absolutely nothing to offer. We didn't need ideas for things to do at home that were stimulating. We needed a solution for while he was sitting in the classroom. We had a 7 year old boy asking if he could get harder homework because he knew all the answers, a boy who said he didn't like always having to put his head down because he finished his work early, a boy who was starting to say he hated learning because his definition of learning was becoming tied up with the word "school." I was baffled that the district had nothing to offer students who were above the present curriculum. Carston is above the curriculum, but he isn't a genius, and I know there are many, many kids who are in the same boat. I still have trouble comprehending that there is no solution for what I see as a major problem. It blows my mind. Anyway, I started researching other options. I finally asked his teacher if I could just buy him the next level of math book and he could do that one instead. She agreed to let him do it at home, but in class, he still had to do the same work as the other kids so he wouldn't be a distraction. That helped a little bit, but it still felt like a temporary solution. I started researching other districts to see if they had anything available. I got so excited to find out about a program in a Provo school, only to learn that it only meant being pulled from class once a week to do something different. Just writing all of this reminds me of how frustrating it was trying to find the solution that didn't exist.

As time went on, I noticed something else that was going on. Carston would get home from school about 3:30, grab a snack, need to do homework, practice the piano, and then have a few minutes to play before dinner. After that it was about time to get ready for bed and get some sleep. He had little time during the day where he was free to decide what he wanted to do. I could tell it was wearing on him. He is a naturally obedient child and has always wanted to do the right thing. But he started whining and snapping whenever I had to ask him to do something. It made me sad to see this change in him.

At this point, I was praying every day that we would know what the best thing would be for our family. I didn't want to keep going on the path we were on, but I couldn't seem to find the right path. At some point, the idea of homeschooling entered my mind. When I talked with John about it, he had serious concerns. Both of us felt like there were things to learn at school other than academics. He was worried that our kids wouldn't get the social interaction they needed. He was concerned about how I'd be able to add such a huge undertaking on my rather full plate. And I was concerned as well. But every time I thought of it, there was peace. I started researching the idea and reading all sorts of books on homeschooling. I remember one book that was talking of all the different reasons why people decide to homeschool. They mentioned kids who were behind or ahead, school taking too much time, unsafe schools, religious views, a desire to pursue different learning styles or subjects, etc. And then it talked about how some people homeschool for no other reason than that it feels right to them. When I read that, my heart burned with the spirit, and I knew that this was the answer from the Lord, this is the path He wanted us to take. After that, any doubts or concerns I had were overshadowed by the peace I felt every time I thought of my decision. It felt right, even though all common sense would make me feel uneasy about it.

It took some more research and prayers to figure out the details, but now we are set. By random chance, we found out about a program the district has called Alpine Online. I don't know why the district didn't tell us about it when we were in there talking with them. Anyway, they use the K12 program (which I think will be a great way to jump into homeschooling), but because they are still part of the district we can do a dual enrollment (which wouldn't be possible if I only went through the K12 program). Carston will be able to spend a few hours at school (including lunch and 2 recesses) and then complete the rest of his work at home, on the level he needs, and at the pace he wants. It will also take less time to accomplish everything. Avery will be going to kindergarten at the school as well, and then follow the same program as Carston next year. I am so relieved and grateful to have everything squared away and feel so good about what we are doing.

The desire to keep Carston challenged academically is why we started looking for another path, but the more I think about things, I realize that it is low on the totem pole of why I'm glad we are doing this. I want to be with my kids. I hated having Carston spending his whole day away from me. I hated that it left me less time to teach him about what is really important in life. I hated that there was never time to pursue things we were interested in. I hated that our life was lived on someone else's schedule. I hated that he missed fun activities we were doing as a family. I hated that he had no time to play and be creative and imaginative. I hated that he was being "socialized" by the world's standards. It surprised me that all these other reasons, things I thought weren't as important, are now more important to me than the academic side. I'm nervous to get started next week, but I'm also very excited about the positive changes this will bring into our family.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer. I've noticed whenever people hear that I've decided to homeschool,there seems to be a need to state why they AREN'T homeschooling. There is no need to make a defense about not homeschooling! It is definitely not for everyone, it wouldn't be the solution or answer for everyone, it isn't even feasible for everyone. This was just the answer we were led to as we sought to know what was best for US. And I know it is going to be a huge challenge, and I'm scared that I'll do everything wrong (I made my sister promise she'd tell me if my kids were getting too weird :), but I also know this was the answer we got and I'm going to trust in that and look for the reasons why Heavenly Father wants it for us.

But that doesn't mean it will be an easy adjustment, so cross your fingers that I don't go crazy :)

Girls Camp 2010

I made it through my third year of Girls' Camp! I can't even tell you the weight that is off my shoulders (although I feel guilty even saying that because of all the hard, amazing work my camp director did-seriously, I better not have to follow in her shoes). Girls' Camp is one of those things I have a Love/Hate relationship with. SO much work goes into it. So much planning, buying, making, organizing, etc. I thought I appreciated my leaders back in the day, but I had NO idea what a huge undertaking it is. But then, once you are up there, you get to see the fruit of your labors. As I watched the change it had upon one girl in particular, I thought to myself, "I would have done it all, every single little thing, even if her life was the only one changed." And I meant it. There is something amazing that happens at camp. We had experiences up there that could not be had anywhere else. I am so grateful for the program and the opportunity. I know that the lives of the young women I serve were changed as a result. And besides all that, it was a blast! I feel like I have the most amazing young women that I'm serving. They are so much fun! They bring out a crazy, zany, hilarious version of myself. I love these girls. Seriously love them and would do anything in my power to help them. It is often a challenge to fulfill my calling with my family responsibilities, but I feel so blessed for being in the position I'm in. As I strive to strengthen, inspire, lift, encourage, and testify to these girls, I am strengthened, inspired, lifted, encouraged, and my testimony grows in the process.

Alisha the Eldest, Alicia the Youngest, and Me

LONE PINE! I have this exact same picture from over 1o years ago :)

The PANTS! This is top secret, but I don't want anyone there to forget it and what it means!

And I want to say Thank You to Karli for sharing her story with me. It inspired me in the direction to take when I gave my devotional. It was an experience that touched the girls and one that I'm sure they will never forget. I was so nervous about what I felt inspired to do, but plunged ahead anyway. And that is how miracles happen :)

Chelsey, Ice Cream, Grandma, Build-a-Bear

Chelsey came into town for a quick visit. I never fail to leave my camera in my purse the whole time while my sisters are here. I'm just too busy chatting it up and having fun hanging out with them to be bothered with pictures. I did manage to pull it out when Chelsey bought them ice cream, and when Grandma let the girls redeem their Birthday Build-A-Bears. I feel a little bad that Cho is the last to have kids, so her visits usually revolve around nap times, kid-friendly restaurants, etc. But she is the best sport and trudges along like there isn't anything else she'd rather be doing. She is also an amazing hair stylist! The Sunday before I left for girls' camp, all kinds of craziness was going on with that, and I seriously felt like I was at the end of my rope. I just kept saying, "Don't talk to me about it or I'm going to start crying!" John took the kids home and put them to bed, and then Chelsey cut my hair. After that, the world was a little better place :) It never ceases to amaze me how much hair can influence your life :) Anyway, I'm so grateful to have Chelsey for my sister. We are six years apart, but I've always thought of us as close together like Heather and I (17 months). She is the best! Hopefully one day soon we'll all get to live by each other.

The girls were so cute making their animals. Macy picked out the white horse first thing, and then Avery struggled until we informed her it was okay to get the same animal. Apparently she thought they had to be different :) Thank you Grandma Robin! And next time I promise not to tag along and spoil it all by reeling at the preposterous price tags of everything involved :)

Matching!

My friend Breanne made skirts and flowers for Avery and Macy for their birthday, and included some for Kate as well. She went with the black and white theme which means she totally gets me :) Avery was in heaven because she had just been complaining about how she doesn't get to have matching dresses with Macy and Kate (she's in the big girl sizes now:) Thanks Breanne!

Little Miss Avery is 5!

Avery requested a "Pet Party" this year. Of course with all the access to cardboard we have, I couldn't resist from making a few Pet Houses. They had fun playing in them, setting up dog dishes, folding up blankets to be welcome mats, and making name tags to hang on the outside. All of her guests brought a "pet" and we had some relay races, a treasure hunt with each question relating to our real pet Sadie, and musical footprints. And of course some face painting, ears, and collars :)

Avery thoroughly enjoyed all her presents she received. The poor girl sat so patiently through Carston and Macy's parties and presents, almost dying in anticipation of her own. She was very happy to FINALLY have her turn!

We had a sweet Pet Shop cake and ice cream.

It was an awesome party for one sweet little girl! She is always so pleased with everyone coming and celebrating with her.

We gave Avery a Princess Bike (the water bottle and holder were extremely coveted by all). I had to include this picture of Kate. She thinks she's a big girl, and kept climbing onto it until John gave in and took her for a ride :) She is definitely not the first born with all her big girl attitude and knowledge of how to do things :)

MACY IS 3!!! Or 5 if she has an agenda

This little girl was SOOOO excited for her birthday to come! She wanted a "Sleeping Beauty" party, and I tried my best to deliver. Three is such an amazing age where everything is magical and enthralling, and it is hard for me to exercise restraint when it comes to the birthday party. First up was makeup and nails...

Then we headed out to the castle...

I'm loving how pink is the color of choice...

We had a game of "Frog, Frog, Prince" followed by a treasure hunt left by the Prince...

We played "Pin the Kiss on the Frog", pricked our fingers on spindles and were awoken with a chocolate "kiss", danced to Princess music...

We opened presents and were so excited by all the new toys...

Had cake and ice cream...

And told our friends goodbye! After everyone left, Macy ran up to me and hugged my legs as tight as she could and said, "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" This was one happy little girl who felt very special on her 3rd birthday!

PS-To explain the title of this post, Avery received a big girl bike on her birthday a few days later. When Macy was complaining saying she wanted one, we told her she could have one when she was bigger. "I AM BIGGER!" she yelled. So we clarified with, "When you're five." To which her response was not surprising, "I AM FIVE!" The next day when Chelsey asked her how old she was, she was still sticking to her story of 5 in the hopes of getting a big girl bike :) That sums up Macy :)

4th of July

Every time a holiday rolls around, I find our family packing in all sorts of stuff we've been wanting to do. The 4th didn't find us doing anything different. We went to the parade (first time it hasn't been blazing hot), spent some time there doing all kinds of free crafts with the kids, went straight to the park for a picnic with family. Carston, Avery, and I went straight from there on a hike with my parents while John went home to fit in sleeping kids and Fifa. Came home and crashed for an hour. Went to a family birthday BBQ for George's birthday, then went straight from there to the "Sidewalk of Fire." John and his brothers don't "do fireworks." Then have an event. We had music, preshow parachuters, there was a live band that came and played for awhile, and then of course the actual fireworks. I've stopped asking John how much money is going up in flames because while he thinks it is worth the experience, I'd rather have something to show at the end of spending my money :) But, it makes him happy, so I keep my mouth shut :) Even though I was exhausted by the end of the day, I think I still would have done it all again because it was a lot of fun!

Kate was hungry

I guess when you are child number 4, you realize there are times you might need to take things into your own hands in order to get what you want :) For some reason (i.e. he's not home all day with Kate), John found this particularly funny and decided to take a picture. I on the other hand (cleaning up her messes all day long), didn't see anything out of the ordinary in the event :)

NYC-Glenn Beck

How much fun can you pack into a 3 day trip to New York? I was pleasantly surprised that we fit so much in. I guess when you don't have to worry about buckling and unbuckling kids, keeping them dressed and bathed and their tummies full, and handling all tantrums that might come...it is AMAZING what two grown adults can accomplish on their own :) Many of you might remember John's video that he entered in a Glenn Beck competition awhile back. They decided to fly out all ten finalists and put them up in New York for three days as a prize. So, for the price of two airplane tickets, Ashlee and I were able to tag along with John and Brett. I love being a mom and doing what I do, but it is always a nice thing to go away with John by ourselves and remember who we are when we aren't being mom and dad. My husband, like myself, becomes a different person when it's just the two of us around other adults :) And where in the world would he find other crazy people like himself and his brother who are so into politics, spend their free time making videos, and are overall just funny people? Both Ashlee and I had to laugh at how much they were enjoying themselves.

We were able to spend a little time with Randy-and we can't wait until he has finished school and can party with us all the time. These boys are pretty funny when they are together and get going. They could pass for normal in this picture, but if you saw the one right before it, you'd probably stay pretty far away. I'm glad John has brothers who are as crazy and funny as he is :)

Glenn's people treated us all to a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was there I came to an important conclusion: I am not a fan of fancy food. I'll take my plain and simple food anyday over the crazy things they served up there. Heather, you would have died! This was also the day that John and I headed over to church. I got a serious chuckle over the fact that I was able to accurately pick out two other Mormon couples on the walk over to the building :) It made me wonder if everyone else can spot us as easily as I can :) I love going to church in other places, it always gives you things to ponder.

Old and still super hot! Just kidding. Although this was kind of our celebration for our 9 year anniversary. I can't believe we only have one more year until we hit 10. Newly Married, that seemed like forever away, and now I can't believe it is here. I look back to when we got married and I'm kind of astounded at how shallow our love was when we couldn't imagine loving each other any more. Through these last nine years, we've been through a lot: unemployment, struggling to get pregnant, getting pregnant unexpectantly, depression, job changes, house buying, living with parents, ear infections and surgery, various callings and responsibilities, etc. And each one of these things we have faced together. We have helped each other in our struggles, we have leaned on each other through our hard times, we have cried and laughed together, we have watched each other stretch and grow. No one- not even my mom, sisters, or children-knows me as intimately as John does. And the deeper you know someone, the more you're capable of loving them. I love you babe!

Superficial Me-The Secret is Out

Whenever I recognize that my barely conscious thoughts are steering toward the superficial, it makes me SO MAD! Case in point...High School Reunion. Of course I find myself thinking that I want people to think I still look good. Ugh. It's embarrassing for me to admit it, but I know it is something all of us women do right? But I very much don't want to be like that the rest of my life. I mean seriously, do I REALLY care if people I haven't seen in 10 years think I let myself go, or if they take a cursory glance and decide yep I'm pretty? No. I really don't. And yet I seem to always find thoughts like that popping up. You know what I really care about. I want people to interact with me and feel like I have true charity, that I care about them. I want people to walk away from me feeling uplifted and feeling better about themselves. That is what I really want. Now the only challenge lies in eradicating all superficial thoughts. Any great ideas on combating the most prevalent campaign aimed at women? I'm hoping confessing and writing it down will aid me in the challenge.