Spoken by a True Man

I had a check-up today with the prego doc. He asked me if I was sleeping. I had to refrain from laughing. Although this man is quite experienced in delivering children, he has obviously never grown one of his own. Sleeping. That's funny.

Anti-Costco

So on Saturday, John and I found ourselves going to Costco without any of our kids. That is rare. Very rare. While we are walking in, I'm talking about how I'm craving something and I need to figure out what it is. I finally arrive at the conclusion that I want one of their chocolate dipped ice cream bars. I love them, but I never get them because we always have the kids with us when we go there, and it ruins the whole savory experience when I have three little voices clamoring on about what I'm eating and how they want some of it. So the whole time we were shopping and picking up groceries, I'm thinking about how good that chocolate-dipped ice cream bar will be. We head up to check out, and I'm scanning the signs at the deli because I don't remember how much they are. I don't see it. I figure they ran out of room for a picture of it. I tell John to pay for one while I run put something back. When I come back, John informs me that THEY DISCONTINUED THE CHOCOLATE-DIPPED ICE CREAM BAR! Are you kidding me? Have you guys had one of those things? It is the best possible chocolate with the best possible ice cream. I probably could have started crying with all the help of my pregnant hormones. John tried to console me by saying we could go to Coldstone (obviously he's never had the ice cream bar or he would know that nothing compares). Anyway, needless to say, I am extremely bugged with Costco right now.

Lovely Sunday

Sundays have been my hardest days lately. Which is sad because John and I use to talk about how they were our favorite. Church is right during Macy's nap, so we spend the entire 3 hours juggling her between us as we try to accomplish everything required by our callings. I spend most of the time wandering the halls, or carrying her and three bags full of stuff, and it doesn't help that I'm also carrying around our unborn child. Sometimes I just about start to cry because I am so completely drained by the time it is over. Add one or two meetings either before or after church, and then I get to come home right in time for Macy to wake up from her only 1 hour nap, and then we spend the rest of the day with a cranky mom and a cranky baby. But the fun didn't end there yesterday. Usually we go to Mom's for dinner, and I swear that saves my sanity. There is something about going to my mom's for dinner that recharges me-I'm so grateful to have that blessing. Anyway, yesterday instead of going to my mom's, we went to a dinner with all of John's extended family. So when I got home from church, I had to first clean up the disaster that appears whenever I'm gone for more than ten minutes, then I had to make food to take, get the kids ready, and head out. I like John's family, but the next 2 hours were mostly spent trying to keep sleep-deprived Macy from crying, or protecting her from a cousin who was currently going through a bully stage. John was giving a lesson that I didn't even get to hear because Macy was occupying my attention (she had already broken a decorative plate). I know I was irritating John because he could tell I was anxious to leave, so then I felt bad that I wasn't being a better wife. He is always patient and nice when we go to my mom's and never even hints that he wants to go. We made it home, got everyone in bed, and then had the aftermath to deal with today. How does Monday go when all three of your children are sleep deprived? It doesn't go very well for us. Avery had a meltdown while getting dressed and was on time-out before 10:00. Carston had a meltdown when he got home from preschool and we were trying to do our "fun" art project and went to his room crying. Macy had another one hour nap and spent the rest of the day whiny and clingy. And I wasn't any better because I used up whatever patience I had on Sunday. Taking all this into consideration, maybe it is understandable that I started to cry last night when John expressed gratitude in our prayer that it was Sunday and we were able to attend church. I had to ask myself if I really WAS grateful for this Sunday. I was going through the day in my head, thinking of all the stress and strain and difficulty, when my thoughts were brought to the lesson in Young Women's. That was 30 minutes of the day when I was not struggling with Macy or things that I needed to get done, and I was able to listen to Bro. Avery's lesson. The spirit that he brought as he shared the thoughts he'd prepared really touched me and filled me with gratitude for John and the life that we share together. My greatest happiness and joy and peace comes from him. And that wouldn't be true if he wasn't the good man he is, making the good decisions that he does. So, even though I don't enjoy most of the day on Sunday, that I sometimes dread it, I decided that the answer is yes. I am grateful for Sunday and the opportunity to attend church.

And I think it is really funny that this post is following my previous one :)

The Little Things are the Most Important

I love the little joys in my life. I love how Macy cocks her head, bends her little body over, and babbles to me until I respond. I love how Carston holds Avery's hand when they cross the street. I love watching John as he attempts to stretch and not fall over at the same time. I love how Carston randomly tells me he loves me. I love picking him up from school and hearing him yell goodbye to all his friends until they yell back. I love that Macy brings me dress-ups to put on her. I love how Avery always holds her little hands together. I love that Avery prayed for Carston's finger to feel better all on her own. I love how Macy stands up next to the TV with the other kids when it is their turn to sing the primary song by themselves. I love seeing my kids run up and give their grandparents a hug. I love picking tomatoes out of my garden to use for BLTs. I love how proud Avery is when she does her "homework." I love when Carston calls me into his room at night so he can show me something funny in the book he is reading. I love it when Macy gives me a sloppery kiss. I love that she gets excited and starts rocking out to the music in the car. I love watching John wrestle with all the kids every night when he gets home. I love watching Carston chase Macy around while she encourages him to come get her. I love that John helps Carston get ready for school each morning and drives him over. I love watching John do his little dances as he decides whether or not to buy some new clothes. I love that I get to spend every day with such wonderful people who are full of love and joy.

I've been struggling the last few days with all the conditions of pregnancy. I haven't slept for days, my own body is suffocating me, my stomach feels like it is being ripped to shreds, it hurts to stand up most of the time, it hurts to bend over, my feet are swelling, the heartburn is driving me crazy.... I could go on. My sister and I joke about how to respond when people ask us how we are doing. Do they want the answer where we're trying to think positively and trick ourselves into having a better frame of mind, or do they want the truth. Because the truth right now is that I'm running out of positive thinking. But something today reminded me of the truth. I was leaving a comment for a friend who just announced she was also pregnant. I was reflecting on the moments in the hospital when they have first handed me our sweet children. The feeling is so overwhelming, and each time I think about how I would go through it all, and even more, to get that sweet baby into our home.

A new take on "distracted drivers"

Today I had the pleasure of experiencing a first. I was driving on the freeway this morning. I started feeling sick. I saw a cup and thought, "Okay, if I actually DID throw up, I could use that cup." I wanted to have a plan just in case I needed it. You want to be prepared for every possibility. Well, it was a good thing I scouted out the cup because it was put to use (and then thrown away with the utmost gratitude). I couldn't get off the freeway fast enough, so I actually was throwing up WHILE I was driving. Now if that doesn't take skills. As unpleasant as it was, I had to laugh, because I am now part of some obscure statistic of people who have thrown up while they were driving.

The most UN-relaxing Vacation

We stayed in a beach house in California with most of John's family a few weeks ago. Two days before we left, I got really sick for a day (throwing up). The next night, John got sick. John never gets sick. Maybe because his mom fed him tofu pancakes growing up, I don't know. Anyway, I was shocked when he threw up twice that night, he has never thrown up in the seven years we've been married. But I expected he would feel better in the morning. He didn't. I hoped he would feel better that night, because we were going to drive to Vegas. He didn't. He had me drive most of the way there, which if you know John, that says a lot. So we made it to Vegas and stayed at a hotel. We were both cracking up as we walked through te casino. John was walking slightly ahead with our bags, and then there was me: an obviously pregnant woman carrying a baby with one arm, holding the hand of the three-child train with her other hand (we had my brother-in-law's 4 year old with us). It is times like that where I can't help but think that observers must think I have no other interest or ambition in life besides being a baby factory. Anyway, we got to California the next day. For the whole week, I kept expecting John to feel better. He never did. He was sick the entire week, which meant that I was acting as a single parent in a place that was not easily equipped to entertain all the kids. It was fun to be with all of his family, I really enjoy them, but I was pretty close to losing my sanity by the end. We hung out at the beach, saw Micah and Xinru, I went to Disneyland with Carston and Avery (and yes Breanne, I still hate it just as much as ever :), and the kids got in lots of cousin time (I think there were 12 kids there under the age of 10). Oh yeah, in the first hour driving back, we were stuck in traffic and had a child throw up in the car. Just another little tidbit that made me feel like I never wanted to go on "vacation" for a very long, long time! But I shouldn't end on a negative thought. Positively speaking, John actually bought some new clothes (after countless "shopping" trips where we come back with nothing :) He looks very stylin' in them. And now that is all I have to say about that trip.

This is Macy's way of coping with stress. If she is sad or tired, she sticks her finger up her nose. It doesn't matter if I pull it out, she sticks it right back up there. It is so funny right now. It probably won't be quite as humorous if she still does it when she's 14.

Left Behind in the Exodus

In one weekend, Heather went back to Iowa, Chelsey moved to Chicago, and my Mom and Dad went to Europe. I thought I would be okay when they left because there isn't really anything I can do about them leaving. But I'm realizing I have some denial coping skills. Chelsey was the last one to leave. She came over the night before and hung out with John and me for a little bit. When it was time for her to go I gave her a hug and she got in her car. As soon as I shut the door, I started crying. Then for the next few days, I couldn't figure out why I was so down (again, denial coping skills). Anyway, Heather and Chelsey, I love your stinking guts. You guys are the best sisters I could ever have. There has never been a time where you have not been building me up, supporting me and encouraging me in whatever I am doing. I can't imagine my life without you. I wouldn't be the same person. Maybe one day, we'll all get to live close together again. And Mom, thank heavens you are at least coming back.

Official Gardener

I am now an official gardener. I tried in years past to grow something, anything, and it never worked out. Regardless of what I sprayed, the bugs always ate it in the first few weeks (I wonder if I had that Japanese Beetle because I was so close to the affected area). Anyway, this year I enlisted the help of my 90 year old Grandpa. He said he had a spray that should kill everything. He came over one day with a bottle that had absolutely no markings on it. He sprayed the garden and some parts of the grass (I just crossed my fingers that our lawn wouldn't be dead in a few weeks :) After that, I laid down the black tarp stuff so I wouldn't have to weed (I HIGHLY recommend doing this, I never once weeded my garden), covered it with grass clippings, and got my plants in. I felt like a giddy kid as I watched them grow. I planted corn, tomatoes, red peppers, and lots of pumpkins. EVERYTHING grew! When I picked the first corn and tomatoes to use, I had to get Carston to take a picture because it was such a momentous occasion :) Excuse my appearance, I think it was a throwing-up day.

Brian Regan

John and I went to see Brian Regan at Thanksgiving Point. He is definitely someone to check out if by some miracle you haven't heard of him. We saw him a couple years ago in Salt Lake. I have never laughed so hard for such an extended period of time. My face was KILLING from smiling the WHOLE time he did his comedy routine. My favorite bit is still the eye doctor. Or maybe the pop tart. Or the "Map" song. Or.... You get the picture. It is hard to find a clean comedian, but maybe impossible to find a clean one who is as hilarious as him.