Ramblings

So my kids are sick once again. We haven't really been "unsick" since we brought Kate home from the hospital a month ago. We were commenting on how nice it was to have everyone healthy on Sunday, and then the next day, two of the four were throwing up. I keep joking that we need to move somewhere with no winter so we won't have to deal with this. The more kids you get, the more germs you bring into your house, and the more people in your house there are for it to spread around to. So I guess I should just plan on always having at least one person be sick. Then if we're all healthy it will be a pleasant surprise :)

I'm very grateful though for the life that I get to lead. I was laying in bed last night just thinking about how blessed I feel. I can't explain how much I love and appreciate John. I couldn't imagine a better husband or father. I'm a very independent person. I like to take care of myself and pride myself in not needing other people to step in and take care of my needs. But during my pregnancy with Kate and since she has been born, I have not been able to do that. I was physically unable to get it all done by myself. The day before she was born, my car got stuck in the snow right outside my house. My older neighbor was out shoveling her snow and tried to help me get out. She was shoveling and trying to push, but to no avail. Then my other neighbor who is also up in years came out and was trying to help. Finally after 30 minutes, I was able to drive away. As I pulled out of the street, I started to cry. Not because I had been stuck for so long, but because they had to help me. I hated that they had to help me. I hated it. But I felt the spirit in that moment. I felt impressed that one of the reasons Kate was coming right now (with Macy only 18 months old) was so that I could learn how to let people serve me. And I have definitely been humbled as that has happened. I've had to let John do a lot more for me and for our kids. I needed the service that my mom and sisters gave me. And it was hard to accept that. But I feel like blessings have come because of it. One of those was giving John the opportunity to show his love for me and our kids more. I was depriving him of that a lot by trying to do everything myself. I'm so grateful for him. Grateful that we get to share our life together. Grateful that he has the same desires and goals and priorities. You know, life is a little busy and crazy right now, but I love it. I love being a wife and a mother. I sat in my house the other day, surrounded by four little kids, and just felt so grateful for the opportunity. There isn't anything else I would rather be doing with my time, talents, or energy. I thought about it last night. My house is messier than it ever has been, I can hardly keep up with the laundry, our kids have been sick alot, my physical person is as unfit and unkempt as it ever has been, and I'm hardly getting any sleep, but I feel like I've never been more satisfied or happy. And I think that is because I have let go of the expectation that I can do it all. Because I can't. But I can do what God wants me to. I continually pray that God will help me use what time and energy I do have in the way that he wants me to, and I know that he does. That allows me to feel peace about what gets done each day and what doesn't.