I have a love-hate relationship with doing hard things. I know it is good for me, that I'm better for doing them, but sometimes I am so scared to death to do them. If you think of me on Thursday night, say a little prayer because that is when I'll be doing my hard thing. Hopefully. Unless I chicken out. But that isn't really an option at this point. So yeah. Send a little courage and serenity my way.

Standing O

Standing O? What may you ask warrants such high praise? Nothing out of the ordinary. I simply went to the store with all four kids by myself. Happens all the time. But I got a Standing Ovation for it on Thursday. The positivity from it was kind of negated though because I also got called "Ma'am" in the process. Here's how it went down. I had to go to Macey's to get tickets for the Parade of Homes. So off we went. Had Macy in the front of the cart, Kate and her car seat in the back, Carston on one side, and Avery on the other. We went about our business, getting a few groceries, a little treat, the tickets, everything went just great-no tantrums or crying, they were awesome. We head out to the car and as I start to get Macy out I hear this, "Ma'am? Ma'am?" Is someone talking to ME? I turn around and see an older man looking at me expectantly so I say, "Yes?" "Ma'am, I feel like I just want to applaud you!" He says as he gives me a double thumbs up. Um. What do I say in response? "Yep, we made it!" with a little thumbs up myself. I got in the car and started laughing. I would have expected something like that if we are on vacation in another state, but seriously, my little brood and I aren't that much of a freak show here in Utah, are we?

No Smiles for this Boy Today

I made a decision in the heat of the moment and now I have to live with the consequences. Before I explain, there are two points to be understood. First, cooking is not my most favorite thing to do in the world. But I do it because I love my family. Second, eating a variety of foods is not Carston's most favorite thing to do in the world. And up until now I haven't really made him because when you only have one kid, it isn't a big deal to make a "second dinner" more to his liking. I know, I know, I should have never started doing that. What can I say though, I was a picky eater myself growing up so the empathy got a little out of hand. With more kids, and the bad example that "I don't want to eat that it's sick" brings, I reached my breaking point (it only took 6 years). So yesterday.... I spent the time making Veg-Head Chili. It's pretty good. Of course when I put in on the table, Carston starts saying that he doesn't want to eat it etc. Pretty soon Macy and Avery are copying him saying it is gross. So I snap and calmly explain that we are doing something new. If you don't eat your dinner, you can have it for breakfast. If you don't eat it for breakfast, guess what you are having for lunch. Etc. Bottom line, you will not be given any other food until you eat your dinner. John of course is celebrating on the inside because he's been wanting me to do this forever. I can't say the same about Carston. Of course Avery and Macy start eating and finish their food in a couple of minutes. Carston....It is now 2 in the afternoon and his bowl of chili is still sitting in the fridge. Let's just say it has been a fun day. The minute I woke up and remembered what I did, I thought, "Oh crap." I'm determined to stick with it though, otherwise all the suffering up to this point has been in vain right? We'll see how it turns out. I'm hopeful April that I'll have the same success story as you. Having that running around in my brain is probably what pushed me to do it :) It is just one of those times where the phrase, "This hurts me more than it hurts you," keeps going through my mind. I'm not doing much smiling either.
UPDATE: So I have pictures to post but am too tired to do it. The day continued pretty much the same. Carston took a couple naps during the day because he had zero energy because of the zero food-one right next to the toilet I might add because he felt like he was going to throw up and even though I told him it was because his tummy was hungry he still wanted to go by the toilet. John came home (John finds the whole thing totally funny, and I have to laugh too or I'll cry because it is too sad), and wanted to make him use up more energy so he'd be hungry so he was dragging his limp body around outside for awhile trying to get him to play basketball. Carston spent half the time shooting airballs and the other half laying on the grass. His friends came over and he perked up a bit. Then came dinnertime. We had coupons for free ice cream cones, so I talked about going to get those after dinner. Of course he wanted one. After thinking about it hard he said he was going to eat his dinner. Time ticked by. More time. More time. He WAS eating it. Sweet little kid. The first bite he took he said how good it was even though you could tell he didn't believe it. After awhile he was asking why his prayer wasn't working (he had asked that he'd eat his food and like it). Anyway, down to the wire, time is almost out, two bites left, and he asks what happens if he throws up (My mom tells me that is what I'd do as a child when she'd make me eat something I didn't like). I tell him not to worry, so he gets a big bite....and yep. You guessed it. Veg-head chili all over the kitchen floor. He could care less about that though, he just wants to know if he still gets his ice cream. I let him, but I try to make sure the point is driven home. What happens if you don't eat your dinner Carst? "You get it for breakfast, and then for lunch, and then dinner, and then breakfast again. I did good huh mom because I didn't have to have it for breakfast again, I did it for dinner the next day." Hmmmmm. Hard to say who won this round. Carston didn't have to eat it for 24 hours. I had to deal with him being upset and comatose for 24 hours. He eventually ate all but one bite. I had to clean up regurgitated veg-head chili. For some reason, it isn't quite as appetizing today as it was yesterday.

Where has the time gone?

Where has the last month gone? I know I'm old now because I talk all the time about how fast time flies, how it just goes by faster every year. It's true though. I can't believe school is already out, I can't believe that the missionary down the street is already coming home (we have an additional two kids since he left, is that considered insane?). So a brief insight into the last month. My brother-in-law presented the perfect opportunity for a trip since he was graduating from medical school. My parents and brother were going, with a stop in Chicago to see Cho, what better time for me to tag along. So I bought my ticket and figured I'd have to get babysitting arranged so I didn't waste my money :) I don't think I hate anything as much as asking people to watch my kids-well maybe the dentist (who I won't have to see for along time now, last cavity filled yesterday). Anyway, the trip was awesome. Kate and I quite enjoyed ourselves. I really was on vacation too. I didn't cook a single item of food, no dishes washed, no cleaning, and finally an opportunity to spend the christmas and birthday money I'd been hoarding (can I just say that I love H&M and wish they'd put one in Utah). Kate was a total angel, and it was such a blast to spend time with my family as an individual with barely any motherly duties. John is such an amazing husband and father for encouraging it and taking care of the other three little hooligans. I love you babe. And OB, I think you are just so amazing for what you have accomplished. Nothing was handed to you, but you know how to work for what you want. And Heather, it really was your graduation as well. You did it guys.

Here's the crew.

Most beautiful baby :)

Dustin is the best uncle. So much fun spending time with you Dust. And Bertha is coming soon, I just feel it :)

Aren't my parents the best. I love that they love each other (you can see my mom's expression in the reflection)

One more in case you disagree with the most beautiful baby comment :)

John woke up Memorial Day with the feeling that we should do something with animals (interesting thought), so we ended up at the Zoo. Something to be done once a year in my book. Macy of course was her little tazmanian self-walked around all three and a half hours, refusing to sit in the stroller (though Avery took full advantage of that and wasn't too interested in the animals once she figured out that she could take Macy's stroller spot). I remember the first time I saw someone with their child on a leash. I'm sure I came home and laughed it over with John and we probably talked about how we'd NEVER put our child on a leash. Well...after the zoo, it sounds pretty tempting. What with another baby, and her tendency to be all over the place, it seems like the logical way to allow us to go on outings by myself and not lose her. So if you see me with one, try not to laugh too hard.


A lot of my time has been spent keeping my kids kissable. Between the doughnuts from Grandpa on Sunday, the long hours outside, Macy's obsession with the sandbox, her determination to feed herself, and the glitter from Carston's teacher (I swear she dumped a whole bottle in his hair-he's washed it multiple times and his head is still covered in it) keeping these kids clean and presentable could be a full-time job :)

A lot of time has been spent keeping up with the babies :) Kate has turned into a spaz in like one day. She figured out how to roll over, and it seems that she is now attempting to exert full energy in all areas to see if she can figure out anything else she's capable of. She is a wiggling, yelling, smiling kid now. And little miss Macy is always running on full speed. She never ever wants to come inside, as soon as I tell her to come in she takes off on the big wheel as fast as her little feet can go-although her feet really aren't that little I guess since I can not find ANY sandles that can handle their plumpness.

Keeping all these mouths fed is also quite a task. Here is our recent trip to Costco. Hmmmm....Where should we put the food? My "produce" looks pretty good if I do say so myself. And yes John, I'm taking the credit :)

Summer birthday parties are upon me. My kids will only want these cute theme parties for so long, so I love doing them even though they are a bit of work. When your kid wants to invite over 20 people, how can you say no? I don't want to teach him to be selective about his friends and qualify them by who he likes better. I forgot my mom would be out of town, but luckily John was there to help me out. All of the kids were great at their power ranger training, and John was an awesome "Bad Guy" and awesome husband because he let about twenty kids each take a turn beating him up with a pool noodle. This picture of opening presents cracks me up because you can never keep all of the kids from crowding around trying to see all the sweet presents. One down and two more to go.

Carston had his first T-Ball game. Smart me didn't look up the field before we left, we hadn't received his shirt so we didn't know what color to look for, and we didn't really know anyone on the team, so we spent the first twenty minutes walking from team to team trying to find the right one. It was one of those times where I was grateful for John's patient talent :)

This is Macy's best friend who came to the game with us. Tara (also Carston and Avery's friend) is so awesome to Macy. She does ring aroung the rosies a million times, pushes her around in the stroller, picks her up when she wants (even though the weight difference can't be that much), and pretty much just keeps her happy. Needless to say she is one of my favorite friends to have over to play :)

Here we are at the Mayan. Did you know that people can charge 7.50 for a kid's queasadilla and 8.50 for a bean and cheese burrito with no side of rice? Yeah, some people do. Not somewhere I plan on frequently visiting.

Carston loved his birthday presents: baseball pants (he hurried to change so he could wear them to school), his new bike (because his Dad does not want to have a big kid who doesn't know how to ride a bike), his scooter, bionicles, fishing pole, baseballs, lego star wars stuff, bball, hand ball, etc. John thinks we have too many toys in this house and I'm starting to agree.

So many of you know that I let my kids pick out their own clothes to wear. This usually results in them picking out things that obviously don't go together (in my humble opinion). I don't know why I don't put my foot down. I guess part of me wonders how many "creative geniuses" would be out there if we didn't try to make them conform to societies ideas of beauty and normal at such a young age. It's either that, or the fact that I quite literally don't have the time to argue with them about it every day. I just make sure that Avery's hair is always nicely done so that whoever sees her knows that there is in fact someone out there who loves her and takes care of her, they just also let her have her independence when it comes to dressing herself. Anyway, so Carston came out this morning holding this nice shirt, and miracle of miracles, he had paired it with some nice khaki shorts. "Wow," I thought. "He's going to look so cute today." That thought lasted as long as it took him to get dressed and come back out again. He had his shirt tucked all the way in (with no belt). I tried to talk him out of it, but to no avail. He's required to tuck his shirt in for school, so I guess that has had an effect on him. So the outfit itself was good, just not the execution in putting it together. Anyway, when he came out tonight wearing his pajamas like this, I just had to take a picture. I don't think I'll convince him anytime soon to abandon the "tucking in" habit, but hopefully he'll see the light before he enters junior high.

PS Carston does a lot of things in his sleep that crack me up. Tonight's episode though is at the top of the list. He came out to the family room like he usually does when he has to go the bathroom. I told him to go, but didn't follow him. I listened for the tinkle, and felt relieved when I heard it, figured everything was good. Then I hear "Mommy, come here." I go in thinking he wants me to put his blanket back on. Nope. "Mommy, I need a shirt and some pants." Oh crap, did he get pee all over them. Reach down to feel. What's that. There is no shirt. There are no pants. Carston is naked. "Carston why are your clothes off?" "I don't know." So, he made it to the bathroom okay, who knows why the clothes came off.

Where did my baby go?????

Carston turns 6 today. I can't believe that so many years have passed by since he came into our lives. I'm getting all teary-eyed thinking about it. He is such a sweet child, and I love him so much. I can't imagine our family without him. Here is a tribute to his past six years.
"Such craziness to have a baby. I don't know how this huge kid came out of Natalie....It was so weird when he came out, to finally see him. I didn't know what I was feeling really, but it was awesome." John

"It's just amazing that we were involved in his creation...I'm so curious to get to know him and his personality better." Natalie

"He brings joy to so many people, strangers included. He is filled with so much love." March 21, 2004

"Carston is such an enjoyable child. He is so good, nice, and funny. I really enjoy the time I can spend with him. He loves to play catch. Jordan got him a little mitt. He talks so much now. He says just about everything and can communicate very well. He has also started playing learning games on the computer. He's not even two and he knows how to use the mouse." April 11, 2004

"Carston woke up early so we sent him out to watch a show. When I came out, his breath smelled like garlic and there was an empty crouton box next to him." Sept. 2005

"I told Carston to come look at a pretty sunset. He said, 'Oh, he's coming.' I asked who was coming and he said, 'Jesus is coming." Nov. 2005

"Carston said he didn't like the Holy Ghost because he was scary." Dec. 2005

"Carston loves to wrestle with his daddy. Every night after prayers and scriptures he says, 'Should we do wrestle time now?'" March 12, 2006

"Carston is very excited for his upcoming birthday. He wants cake, candy, a pinata, and more candy. I was asking him who he wanted to invite. He turned to John and said, 'Can you come to my birthday Daddy?' And then he said, 'How about Mommy? Can you come?' Oh yeah, he wants birthday hats too!" May 21, 2006

"I said 'come on" to Carston this morning and he said, 'I'm coming on." John July 2, 2006

I totally ran out of time before I was able to organize this and finish writing what I wanted. Life right?

Minty Fresh

If you brush your teeth, but use toilet water to wet your toothbrush, have you helped or hindered the tooth bugs?

Macy brought me out her toothbrush and it was wet. I assumed, incorrectly, that one of the other kids had helped her at the sink. I brushed her teeth and took her back in the bathroom to put it away. She was getting mad though because she wanted a turn. So I handed it back to her, she lifted the lid to the toilet, and proceeded to dip her toothbrush. Kisses anyone?

Who needs to hear anyway?

Does anyone else hate the ever present possibility that your kid could have an ear infection???? It is like this constant suspicion in your mind. Your child is acting differently....hmmmm.....well, it COULD be an ear infection. Maybe that is why they are acting so grumpy. OR it could just be they're acting that way because they're tired or teething or just upset. Let's see, how can you tell if there is an infection or not. Ask them if their ear hurts. Okay, they say yes. Well, maybe it hurts and maybe they just feel like saying yes. Ask them if their knee hurts. Hmmm. They said yes. So does their ear really hurt, and then they thought you were playing a game when you asked a second question, or did they think you were playing a game initially when you asked if their ear hurt. Okay, let's try something else. Have they been crying for no reason and acting as though they are in pain. Yes. Okay, well that COULD mean they have an ear infection. BUT it could also mean that they are teething, or that they have a cold, or that their tummy hurts. Hmmm.... Let's see. Do they have a fever. Well wait, that isn't really conclusive. They can have a fever with an ear infection, but they can also have one with a cold, or the flu, or because they're teething. Okay, well what about congestion. Kids usually get ear infections after being congested. So every time one of my four kids gets a runny nose should I take them into the doctor? I think I'd be in there several times each week. Hmmmm....You see the dilemma? Add to that Avery's crazy ears. There's a girl who never complains of ear pain or acts like anything is wrong, but then I'll go check on her when she's asleep and find pus draining out of her ear because her eardrum has ruptured. After having her eardrum rupture five times, you can understand why I can't sit back when I have the "ear infection suspicion" and rely on their body to handle it on their own, because hers simply doesn't. And now she's going to be completely deaf. How bad would it be if I asked the doctor to put tubes in all my children's ears? I think it would contribute in large part to me maintaining my sanity. It might be kind of selfish though. And possibly expensive (I'll know more about that part when/if Avery gets tubes-what else do I do with that child and her ears? I've got to try and salvage whatever minuscule amount of hearing she has left, right?) Does anyone know how hard it would be to diagnose an ear infection if I bought my own instrument? Ugh. Dang ears.