My Girls

Kate is just a crazy little cutie! And I mean the crazy part! Apparently she has too many older siblings to give her ideas of things to try that weren't really meant to be tried by a 1 and 1/2 year old! Things like jumping, JUMPING, off the couches, riding two-wheelers, moving chairs around to climb on the counters, etc. Pretty much if there is a possibility to climb something, she will attempt it. And she pretty much succeeds. She likes to growl out words which is so funny to hear. She loves snuggles and sitting on mommy's lap (especially if I'm trying to do school or work on the computer-but not so much in Sacrament meeting). She crawls around with Macy pretending to be kitties. She is obsessed with fruit leathers (funny to hear her say that one) and would eat them all day long (in fact that is just what she did when John, Carston, and I were puking for a couple days). She WILLINGLY comes and sits in my lap to get her hair done. I guess when you have two older sisters it makes you feel like a big kid when you do the same things :) She is just adorable and I love having my sweet little baby who really isn't so little (I think she was in the 97th percentile for her height when we went to the doctor). Love you Crazy Kate!

Avery got a new leotard for dance. Of course that meant she could give Macy her old one and they could do "dance lessons" all day. These girls are so lucky to have each other. Avery has been amazing in nurturing Macy's imagination. Avery is always amazing me with the things she comes up with. The other day she found a bag of little tokens. Without more than a moment's consideration, she had them all wrapped up in her skirt, and then she threw them out on the ground and called for the chickens to come eat them. Seeing as how no one else jumped in on the idea, she turned into a chicken so she could gobble up the chicken food :) My sisters are some of my greatest blessings in my life. I am so grateful that my girls get to experience the joy of having sisters who are your best friends!

Avery is a Kindergartener!

Avery started Kindergarten! So often I look at her and think about how sweet she is. She was really excited to start. Grandma Robin took her shopping to get some cute new outfits. Of course, she picked a pink shirt with a kitty in glasses, and a black one with a beaded Eiffel Tower on it. She couldn't wait to wear them, and she had to have Carston pick which one to wear on the very first day because she loved them both (the kitty one). We all went to see her off. She went right up and lined up outside with her class, and when the time came to walk in, off she went without so much as a backward glance. I was so impressed with her and of course got a little teary :) I couldn't wait for her to get home and tell me all about it, but much to my chagrin, she turned out to be like Carston when it comes to recapping the day at school: fairly quiet! The only thing I got out of her was that some kids were pretty nervous, some of them were so nervous that they cried. She then told me about a girl at recess who was really nervous and she tried to make her feel better but "she was just too sad." I could just picture her going up and asking the girl if she wanted to play with her or something like that. She didn't know anyone in her class, so before she went I asked her if she knew how to make new friends. "Sure," she said, "You just go up and say 'Hi, what's your name? Do you want to be my friend? Do you want to play with me?'" I loved that she was so confident about her ability to make friends :) When I picked her up, I watched all the kids coming out and giving the teacher a high five because she had her hand up to give one. When Avery came out though, she bypassed the high five and went straight in for a hug :) That to me is a perfect picture of Avery. She is so loving and affectionate. I watched the same thing happen today when I picked her up. I wish I could go and watch her for a day. I wonder if she has made friends. I wonder if she is quiet or outspoken. I wonder what she does all morning :) She brought home a binder with letters and stuff in it on Friday, and she has spent hours playing "school" with Macy: reciting letters and sounds, singing songs, etc. She is such a little cutie and I can't believe how quickly she is growing up. I am so pleased with the person she is and the light that she is in the world.

Hard Things

Avery had to have her first cavity drilled. It was a hard thing for her. I tried to talk up all the positive things about going-watching a movie in the ceiling, getting a balloon, going to the store after and getting a prize...but nothing could take Avery's anxiety away from her. This was something she'd never done, something she was scared to do, and yet it was something she HAD to do. Her job was to be brave, open her mouth, not wiggle, and do everything the dentist asked of her. My job was to sit down by her feet, watch her little legs as they jiggled in fear, see her hands clasped up tight by her chest wishing they could go a little further and protect her mouth, and try to reassure her throughout the process. There was no doubt she was struggling and scared. I'm sure she wanted nothing more than to jump off the chair and run out the door. But she did it. As I watched my sweet little five year old rise to the challenge and do what needed to be done-despite the fear and anxiety- my heart was touched. I thought of how many times we would be put in the same positions as the years go by. How many times she will have to do something she's never done before, how she will be scared to do it, and how the only thing I'll be able to do will be to sit by her side and reassure her that she can do it and that she's doing a great job. I joke about how awful potty training is, or sleepless nights, or changing diapers-but nothing tugs at my heart more than having to sit on the sidelines and watch my children as they struggle to do things that are hard for them. As a parent, there is this insane urge to protect your children from anything and everything. As I sat there watching Avery's legs twist and turn as she fought her fears and did what she needed to do, my heart was filled with sorrow. There was a part of me that wanted to grab her and run out the door and never look back. But I knew this was something she needed to do. And as I watched her choosing to be brave, my heart was also filled with joy. I was so pleased with her decision to cooperate despite her fears and anxiety. I was so pleased because I knew this experience was making her stronger. As much as it broke my heart to see her in a situation that was so difficult for her, I decided it would be even more painful if those hard things were absent from her life. As we drove home I talked with her about doing hard things despite our fears and anxieties. I told her about how nervous I was the first time I went into the hospital to deliver a baby. I was scared to death. It was something I'd never done before and I didn't know what to expect or how it would be. But I did it. And the next time I needed to be strong and brave, it was easier.

It was a simple experience, but I've thought a lot about it. I like to think that in the eternal nature of things, I am the child in this situation and God is the parent. There have been things in my life I've been scared to face, things I've never done before, but things that HAD to be done-experiences I had to get through. And I think that even though He knew it was for my benefit in the end- that I'd be stronger because of it-I think His heart still broke a little as he watched me clench my hands in fear. But He doesn't grab me and run because He knows that in the end the experience will make me stronger and braver and that is infinitely more important than living a life free from hard things.

Andrew,
I just wanted to say I love you. Thank you so much for asking Carston if he wanted to play at recess. I don't know who you are or what you even look like, but I love you.
Mrs. Roberts

Carston is a Second Grader!

Carston had his first day of second grade today. Of course I cried. I don't know why I cried exactly. I guess it was a good cry. Carston is going to a new school (for the part that he's doing at school). He didn't know anyone in his class. I was kind of worried. I didn't know how things would go for him. I didn't know how much a part of the class he would feel. I didn't know if he would make friends. I didn't know how hard it would be for him. I guess I was just being his mother. When we went in, all the kids were sitting at their desks waiting for the teacher to get started. He walked right over and hung his backpack up and then sat down at his desk without so much as a look in my direction. I was so happy for him that he had a positive attitude and that he has developed a courageous spirit. Man, to hear me talk, you'd think he was doing some kind of crazy thing! But for a 7 year old, what could be more crazy? I couldn't wait to hear how his day went. But man-child that he is, the answers are slow in making their way to the surface (like his father, who I sometimes refer to as Quiet Man). From what I can gather, he played by himself for the first recess (break my heart, but kind of expected), he found a friend in the ward for the next recess, he said he made two friends even if he can't remember their name, one teacher showed them how to make a wolf, the school has a cafeteria, and that's about all I could get out of him. I could tell that even though he had a positive attitude, it was still a hard day for him. He ended up having a meltdown in the car later that evening which I knew had very little to do with the thing he was crying about, and everything to do with all he dealt with having his first day at a new school. It is crazy to think about how fast his life has gone. What happened to my little boy? I feel so blessed to be Carston's mother. I know that he is growing into a fine man who will make a difference not only in the world, but in people's individual lives.

I'll understand if you think I'm crazy

I've made a choice. A choice I never saw or anticipated myself making until the last six months. I've decided to teach my children at home for the majority of their schooling. Some people know they will homeschool before they even have children, but like I said, I'm not one of those people. I wasn't homeschooled as a child, I didn't major in elementary education, I never had any plans to homeschool. If I'm being quite honest, I only knew one family that homeschooled, and while I thought they were really nice, I also felt like they were missing out on a lot of good social interaction with kids their age. So I never thought it would be something I'd want to do, let alone something I would commit to doing. But John and I went on a long (and frustrating) journey last year, and this is where I feel like we were led.

Last year Carston went to school full-time. He was at school 4 days a week from 8-3, and then on Friday he went from 8-12. Within the first week I was firm in my feelings. I hated it. I felt like I hardly got to see him. But I figured this was the way it should be and I better just toughen up. After a couple of months, my expectations were confirmed. Carston was thoroughly bored and not challenged enough. This was frustrating because we intentionally put him in the charter school because their curriculum was a year ahead of regular public schools. We met with his teacher, and while she wanted to help him, there wasn't a whole lot she could do while balancing the various levels of 25 kids and the state requirements. Her best suggestion was to have him write reports at home and share them in class. But we didn't need help challenging him at home, we needed help challenging him while he was sitting in a classroom five days a week for 32 hours. We met with the principal to see if there was anything he could do for us. Again, all his suggestions involved extra work at home as opposed to challenging him in the classroom. After lots of research we discovered the Alpine School District had a "Gifted and Talented Program." So we made an appointment and went to meet with them only to be disappointed again. All of the suggestions were again things we could do outside of the classroom. It was so frustrating to realize that the school district had absolutely nothing to offer. We didn't need ideas for things to do at home that were stimulating. We needed a solution for while he was sitting in the classroom. We had a 7 year old boy asking if he could get harder homework because he knew all the answers, a boy who said he didn't like always having to put his head down because he finished his work early, a boy who was starting to say he hated learning because his definition of learning was becoming tied up with the word "school." I was baffled that the district had nothing to offer students who were above the present curriculum. Carston is above the curriculum, but he isn't a genius, and I know there are many, many kids who are in the same boat. I still have trouble comprehending that there is no solution for what I see as a major problem. It blows my mind. Anyway, I started researching other options. I finally asked his teacher if I could just buy him the next level of math book and he could do that one instead. She agreed to let him do it at home, but in class, he still had to do the same work as the other kids so he wouldn't be a distraction. That helped a little bit, but it still felt like a temporary solution. I started researching other districts to see if they had anything available. I got so excited to find out about a program in a Provo school, only to learn that it only meant being pulled from class once a week to do something different. Just writing all of this reminds me of how frustrating it was trying to find the solution that didn't exist.

As time went on, I noticed something else that was going on. Carston would get home from school about 3:30, grab a snack, need to do homework, practice the piano, and then have a few minutes to play before dinner. After that it was about time to get ready for bed and get some sleep. He had little time during the day where he was free to decide what he wanted to do. I could tell it was wearing on him. He is a naturally obedient child and has always wanted to do the right thing. But he started whining and snapping whenever I had to ask him to do something. It made me sad to see this change in him.

At this point, I was praying every day that we would know what the best thing would be for our family. I didn't want to keep going on the path we were on, but I couldn't seem to find the right path. At some point, the idea of homeschooling entered my mind. When I talked with John about it, he had serious concerns. Both of us felt like there were things to learn at school other than academics. He was worried that our kids wouldn't get the social interaction they needed. He was concerned about how I'd be able to add such a huge undertaking on my rather full plate. And I was concerned as well. But every time I thought of it, there was peace. I started researching the idea and reading all sorts of books on homeschooling. I remember one book that was talking of all the different reasons why people decide to homeschool. They mentioned kids who were behind or ahead, school taking too much time, unsafe schools, religious views, a desire to pursue different learning styles or subjects, etc. And then it talked about how some people homeschool for no other reason than that it feels right to them. When I read that, my heart burned with the spirit, and I knew that this was the answer from the Lord, this is the path He wanted us to take. After that, any doubts or concerns I had were overshadowed by the peace I felt every time I thought of my decision. It felt right, even though all common sense would make me feel uneasy about it.

It took some more research and prayers to figure out the details, but now we are set. By random chance, we found out about a program the district has called Alpine Online. I don't know why the district didn't tell us about it when we were in there talking with them. Anyway, they use the K12 program (which I think will be a great way to jump into homeschooling), but because they are still part of the district we can do a dual enrollment (which wouldn't be possible if I only went through the K12 program). Carston will be able to spend a few hours at school (including lunch and 2 recesses) and then complete the rest of his work at home, on the level he needs, and at the pace he wants. It will also take less time to accomplish everything. Avery will be going to kindergarten at the school as well, and then follow the same program as Carston next year. I am so relieved and grateful to have everything squared away and feel so good about what we are doing.

The desire to keep Carston challenged academically is why we started looking for another path, but the more I think about things, I realize that it is low on the totem pole of why I'm glad we are doing this. I want to be with my kids. I hated having Carston spending his whole day away from me. I hated that it left me less time to teach him about what is really important in life. I hated that there was never time to pursue things we were interested in. I hated that our life was lived on someone else's schedule. I hated that he missed fun activities we were doing as a family. I hated that he had no time to play and be creative and imaginative. I hated that he was being "socialized" by the world's standards. It surprised me that all these other reasons, things I thought weren't as important, are now more important to me than the academic side. I'm nervous to get started next week, but I'm also very excited about the positive changes this will bring into our family.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer. I've noticed whenever people hear that I've decided to homeschool,there seems to be a need to state why they AREN'T homeschooling. There is no need to make a defense about not homeschooling! It is definitely not for everyone, it wouldn't be the solution or answer for everyone, it isn't even feasible for everyone. This was just the answer we were led to as we sought to know what was best for US. And I know it is going to be a huge challenge, and I'm scared that I'll do everything wrong (I made my sister promise she'd tell me if my kids were getting too weird :), but I also know this was the answer we got and I'm going to trust in that and look for the reasons why Heavenly Father wants it for us.

But that doesn't mean it will be an easy adjustment, so cross your fingers that I don't go crazy :)

Girls Camp 2010

I made it through my third year of Girls' Camp! I can't even tell you the weight that is off my shoulders (although I feel guilty even saying that because of all the hard, amazing work my camp director did-seriously, I better not have to follow in her shoes). Girls' Camp is one of those things I have a Love/Hate relationship with. SO much work goes into it. So much planning, buying, making, organizing, etc. I thought I appreciated my leaders back in the day, but I had NO idea what a huge undertaking it is. But then, once you are up there, you get to see the fruit of your labors. As I watched the change it had upon one girl in particular, I thought to myself, "I would have done it all, every single little thing, even if her life was the only one changed." And I meant it. There is something amazing that happens at camp. We had experiences up there that could not be had anywhere else. I am so grateful for the program and the opportunity. I know that the lives of the young women I serve were changed as a result. And besides all that, it was a blast! I feel like I have the most amazing young women that I'm serving. They are so much fun! They bring out a crazy, zany, hilarious version of myself. I love these girls. Seriously love them and would do anything in my power to help them. It is often a challenge to fulfill my calling with my family responsibilities, but I feel so blessed for being in the position I'm in. As I strive to strengthen, inspire, lift, encourage, and testify to these girls, I am strengthened, inspired, lifted, encouraged, and my testimony grows in the process.

Alisha the Eldest, Alicia the Youngest, and Me

LONE PINE! I have this exact same picture from over 1o years ago :)

The PANTS! This is top secret, but I don't want anyone there to forget it and what it means!

And I want to say Thank You to Karli for sharing her story with me. It inspired me in the direction to take when I gave my devotional. It was an experience that touched the girls and one that I'm sure they will never forget. I was so nervous about what I felt inspired to do, but plunged ahead anyway. And that is how miracles happen :)

Chelsey, Ice Cream, Grandma, Build-a-Bear

Chelsey came into town for a quick visit. I never fail to leave my camera in my purse the whole time while my sisters are here. I'm just too busy chatting it up and having fun hanging out with them to be bothered with pictures. I did manage to pull it out when Chelsey bought them ice cream, and when Grandma let the girls redeem their Birthday Build-A-Bears. I feel a little bad that Cho is the last to have kids, so her visits usually revolve around nap times, kid-friendly restaurants, etc. But she is the best sport and trudges along like there isn't anything else she'd rather be doing. She is also an amazing hair stylist! The Sunday before I left for girls' camp, all kinds of craziness was going on with that, and I seriously felt like I was at the end of my rope. I just kept saying, "Don't talk to me about it or I'm going to start crying!" John took the kids home and put them to bed, and then Chelsey cut my hair. After that, the world was a little better place :) It never ceases to amaze me how much hair can influence your life :) Anyway, I'm so grateful to have Chelsey for my sister. We are six years apart, but I've always thought of us as close together like Heather and I (17 months). She is the best! Hopefully one day soon we'll all get to live by each other.

The girls were so cute making their animals. Macy picked out the white horse first thing, and then Avery struggled until we informed her it was okay to get the same animal. Apparently she thought they had to be different :) Thank you Grandma Robin! And next time I promise not to tag along and spoil it all by reeling at the preposterous price tags of everything involved :)

Matching!

My friend Breanne made skirts and flowers for Avery and Macy for their birthday, and included some for Kate as well. She went with the black and white theme which means she totally gets me :) Avery was in heaven because she had just been complaining about how she doesn't get to have matching dresses with Macy and Kate (she's in the big girl sizes now:) Thanks Breanne!

Little Miss Avery is 5!

Avery requested a "Pet Party" this year. Of course with all the access to cardboard we have, I couldn't resist from making a few Pet Houses. They had fun playing in them, setting up dog dishes, folding up blankets to be welcome mats, and making name tags to hang on the outside. All of her guests brought a "pet" and we had some relay races, a treasure hunt with each question relating to our real pet Sadie, and musical footprints. And of course some face painting, ears, and collars :)

Avery thoroughly enjoyed all her presents she received. The poor girl sat so patiently through Carston and Macy's parties and presents, almost dying in anticipation of her own. She was very happy to FINALLY have her turn!

We had a sweet Pet Shop cake and ice cream.

It was an awesome party for one sweet little girl! She is always so pleased with everyone coming and celebrating with her.

We gave Avery a Princess Bike (the water bottle and holder were extremely coveted by all). I had to include this picture of Kate. She thinks she's a big girl, and kept climbing onto it until John gave in and took her for a ride :) She is definitely not the first born with all her big girl attitude and knowledge of how to do things :)